I grew up with five of us siblings. The family owned and ran a restaurant and we all worked there at one time or another. We actually never really had to deal with the blame and shame thing - everyone was too busy. I was the oldest and didn't come out until after I was married for four years- this was the mid sixties. It was difficult for all of us but eventually my whole family supported me and my sister (15 years younger than me) came out without a hitch and is married to her second date (gotta love those lesbians!) for like 35 years. But we all really had to work at it but love won out.
Yikes, Clint. We just bought our house just about a year ago. It began life as a 1972 one bedroom trailer. It was added onto over the years since until what we bought is a four bedroom 1700 sqft house on an acre of land on the edge of this little town (1000 folks) - half anglo and half hispanic.
It's quirky and wonderful but also has it's share of weird. Like you have to go into the guest room to turn on the living room lights or the living room to turn on the utility room. And almost every room is on a different level. It's a riot. We love it.
I originally moved here in 1999 and announced that I was the ONLY out gay person in town. They punished me by electing to the Town Council in 2007. I have never been so universally welcomed by a whole town full of folks. I brought my husband here in about 2004. We got married in 2014 and they practically shut down the town as we had 200 at our ceremony. In 2017 we felt were getting older (I'm now 81 and Ed is 75) we thought we needed a hospital closer than 40 miles and a grocery store closer than 20! We moved to Truth or Consequences (yeah, that's real) for 7 years and realized what we REALLY needed was to be surrounded by friends in case the orange monkey got elected and moved back last year. Absolutely no regrets!! And I have a job for the rest of my life trying to redecorate and Ed figuring out the wiring. Life is GREAT!!!
Dennis, you and Ed are giving my LIFE! Thank you for sharing your story and experience. Love your spirit and pov. Sounds your little town is a big fan of you, boo. And your house sounds like a riddle wrapped in a mystery box. Originality counts…and I love a home with character. Sounds like yours is a perfect fit for you two. Cheers and much love and light to you and Ed!
Fear not, Sam…the landlord picked up the tab. She’s dealing with some family stuff, so I was trying to be a good tenant and handle before realizing how expensive the repairs would be. She was gracious and lovely from my first text to her. The galvanized steel pipes were all for waste water and had corroded from 70+ years of use. They appeared to be at least 95% clogged with corrosion, gunk, and sediment. As for the clean water, I’ve had it tested and everything has always been good. Knock on wood. Thanks for your concern, dear. Other than an underground section just outside the house, all the problems have been resolved. Just having some draining issues with the washing machine. Hopefully that gets addressed this week. But, like everything, it’s expensive…mostly due to the cost to excavate. Fun stuff!
So, your fresh water pipes are in good shape, and I am glad for that. Galvanized steel is usually not used for any more than nipples on wastewater; hence, it is interesting to learn that your house had long runs of that. The primary reason is that, indeed, steel pipe is not good at carrying wastewater sustainably, with black cast iron or
PVC-40 being the choice. And you are correct, unburying any line is hard and
unpleasant work; but there are some guys in this world who just love to dig, thanks be to God. We also now have some delightful small hydraulic machines that can do some of that drudgery safely.
. Many people feel shame for having the plumber see their pipes in a mess, and that is entirely one-sided. Plumbers only see pipes in a mess and admire their work for a few brief moments of gratification as they flush water or gas through the new for testing and start-up. Things look much less bad to a plumber than they do to a customer who has been living in a state of denial for months (or days.) When that job looks good, the plumber goes on to the next mess. I love plumbers and do not begrudge them the prices they must charge.
Oh boy, did this posting hit home with me! I now live in the Dallas metroplex, but blame and shame is not exclusive to Dallas residents or to way too many parents. I grew up in a north central Illinois farming town of a whopping 800 people. Let me assure you that tiny, rural villages like that are a very rich environment for promoting, even insisting upon, finding blame for every little or big thing. My parents were "slightly" more advanced than yours, but not that much. I often got blamed for things I didn't even do! Of course, I am not mentioning the many things I got away with and avoided getting blame as a result. But, as a result of this environment, I have always had to be very careful to try to avoid casting blame or shame unless it was critical to resolve an important issue. Mostly the blame in my childhood was originated with my father, and only rarely by my mother. And, even much more important, my mother worked very hard to make sure she passed on to me and my siblings a belief in and an approach to others where tolerance and acceptance were critically important. And for that, I am one lucky guy for certain. Thanks for sharing this heartfelt glimpse into your experiences.
Thank you, David. Glad my post struck a chord. I know Dallas doesn’t hold the copyright on blame or shame, but some of my “backsliding” Baptist family seem to consider both an artform worth passing on like a family heirloom. Imo…just say no. lol
Glad your parents were more enlightened. Appreciate you sharing your experience and for all your support. Cheers!
Sadly, blame and shame is rife throughout many communities and nations. Let us be compassionate towards ourselves and others. Forgiveness and understanding can be given to ourselves and each other. It is important to love, support and be caring.
Yessir. It’s the gift that keeps on giving. Sadly, my mother’s default phrase was “You ought to be ashamed of yourself.” Which led me to blow up at her many a time. Wishing shame on someone over a difference of opinion or taste is not cool in my book. I could have handled it better, but at least half of my stubbornness came from her…so subtlety was neither of our fortes. Life goes on, right? Cheers, Ray!
Thank you, as always, for your insightful entires, Clint. Inquiring minds need to know: where did you find sources that listed Zachary Scott and Gary Lockwood as parst of our illustrious community?
Thanks, Fred. I found them both listed on a couple “shy-but-bi” guy lists. Couldn’t find more verification, but my gaydar is pretty good and I’ve always stopped in my tracks when I see them and have always considered them part of the family. Might be true, might not. But I’m hopeful.
Thank you for taking the time to reply, Clint. I'm a firm believer in hopefulness. I've long admired Scott's classic film performances, and Lockwood's rugged beauty. You go, Clint!
Oh, the blame and shame game is familiar to me. Growing up as a queer kid in the '50s helped form my perfectionist self. I can only imagine the shame that lingered for years in your hometown after the Kennedy assassination. Time stood still on that day for me and I will never forget where I was and what I was doing when the word came down.
I am grateful for people like you who help me to tell that little boy inside that it's OK, that there have been queer kids forever and they're just fine. Some of the images you post of those men who loved each other long before I was here help me feel strength and pride rather than blame and shame. Progress, not perfection.
Thank you, David. I definitely have a lovely landlord. She’s a fellow queer dear and has been extremely supportive since I shared my mental health struggles. After knowing her for over a decade, I’m finally really getting to really know her. Silver linings to some darker times. Glad you find some solace in my meanderings. To paraphrase Harvey Fierstein, “anything that helps us feel less alone is the purpose of Collide Press.” From my perfection self to yours…hugs!
Just reading this nearly caused me another stroke. Galvanized steel for drinking water supply, actually galvanized anything for the purpose of human consumption, is an absolute NOT. I grew up in the Midwest and this is a practice that has been banned for many decades. It is the equivalent to lead in house paint or gasoline and is an extreme danger to children. Within the past decade, I had to pickup a load of interstate highway signage support posts which are those systems that are on every interstate highway in the U.S. that has the huge green signs that tell you where you are and where you are going to. These steel posts are dipped in galvanizing solutions to make them weatherproof / rust resistant. After getting loaded and securing the load, I wondered what they felt like, and I persisted to pet them with my bare fingers. After I hit the highway, in less than 20-miles I began to feel weird (more so than normal), and within 70-miles I had a stroke, the kind you don't die from but wish you did. I cannot believe this is what was used in your home and ultimately surprised this didn't cause you massive headaches for no reason, or other serious health concerns. My current home / 5th wheel RV trailer, is entirely plumbed with PEX plastic which for the kitchen sink is currently frozen solid two days in a row now due to single digit temps, the fact is I don't have to worry about it affecting my health. And yes, it is frozen solid for now but no risk of bursting because PEX can expand. By tomorrow, it should thaw out and I'll have my kitchen sink back to normal again. Can't wait for winter to be over, as I'm sick of this damned cold weather. Normally this time of year I'm in Palm Springs, CA for my six-week vacation which I've done for the past 14-years, but right now I can't afford the trip due to change in jobs and major reduction in pay. Even Key West, FL is now outside of my budget which is another of my hangouts. Being gay and broke just doesn't go together, but it's my new reality.
A belated howdy, Jim. Sorry finances are tight for you too, boo. I’m hopeful to get to PS for a day or three getaway soon. I like close enough, but it can still be costly…that’s for sure. Alas. On the plumbing front, the galavanized steel pipes in my rental were all waste water. The house was built in the 1950s and seems that was standard for under the the house and the underground piping is mostly clay…crazy, huh? My landlord is being great and tackling things now that she’s aware there’s a problem. I’m 90% back in working order. Only my laundry is affected. Wishing your fortunes to turn back around and keep me posted when you might make it to PS again. Will do my best to coordinate a lunch with you. Cheers!
Galvanized steel pipe for waste, can't say I've ever seen that before. In my younger years that would be ductile cast iron then later ABS black plastic. With my new company, my first vacation which is only one week and not my normal six, comes up the second week of August. Next year it'll be 2-weeks. Ninety percent of the time while in PS, I stay at Desert Paradise, but have stayed at Canyon Club once, and the last time at the former Inn Exile which All Worlds bought and moved their entire operations to, then built that amazing indoor and an outdoor maze. I love mazes with lots of secret hiding places, lol. The former All Worlds location is now a mixed-sex swingers resort. Around eight years ago, I had intentions of moving to the Warm Sands area to a rental unit, but didn't think I'd find proper employment to afford the high cost of living there so I didn't move there, but ended up moving from Indianapolis to the Whispering Oaks gay RV campground resort 68-miles southwest of Nashville TN in Nov 2022. It's mostly quiet here during the cold season, but come warmer weather this place is robust with lots of activity and anywhere from 100-300 guys from around the country here on event weekends. It reminds me of a huge outdoor bathhouse. This campground also has ties to the Starland gay campground resort on CA-62 in Joshua Tree by the CMEN group out of West Hollywood. Needless to say, I'm very happy with my decision and love living within a community that is all our own.
Well done Clint. I would love to embrace my future instead of resorting to the Ivory Tower 😕 It's all long and complicated but so easy to solve instead of pulling up the drawbridge to the Ivory Tower. I guess it comes about from not believing in myself, like I used to. But this way I don't hurt anyone (emotionally) only myself. Now for plumbing, copper is the mandatory for in water and PVC for water out in 🇫🇴🇬🇧 It was common to use lead piping till the lead poisoning was realised in the older days. Enough rambling now, Cheers DougT 🇫🇴
I would like to encourage you to embrace your future too, dear one. As much as I love my little home, I’m looking forward to truly venturing out for the first time in a long while this week. My best friend—of 30ish years—and I have reconnected after a long winter’s break and he’s helping me get back in the swing of things. Hope you know I believe in you, boo. You’re a good man I hope to one day have a chance to meet in person. And if not in person, maybe we can find a way to connect for a video call or something. You’ve been such a sweet supporter since the very beginning and helped me more than you’ll ever know come out of my funk. As for plumbing, copper is for in here and ABS/PVC is for out. My house—except for an underground section that’s still causing some problems—is all repiped for the out water. Hoping my landlord agrees the expense for the last section is worth doing this week. Fingers crossed! Cheers.
There’s an old saying from folks I know that worked at Disney about Tinkerbell’s “pixie dust” that comes to mind: If you don’t trust it, dust it. Well, I don’t trust blame games…or any pixies outside Sid & Marty Kroft’s The Bugaloos. It’s the show that helped me realize I was gay as a kid. lol https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0065280/
I grew up with five of us siblings. The family owned and ran a restaurant and we all worked there at one time or another. We actually never really had to deal with the blame and shame thing - everyone was too busy. I was the oldest and didn't come out until after I was married for four years- this was the mid sixties. It was difficult for all of us but eventually my whole family supported me and my sister (15 years younger than me) came out without a hitch and is married to her second date (gotta love those lesbians!) for like 35 years. But we all really had to work at it but love won out.
Love may take time—or not, in your sister’s case—but it’s always worth it. However it shows up. Keep being awesome, Dennis. Cheers!
Yikes, Clint. We just bought our house just about a year ago. It began life as a 1972 one bedroom trailer. It was added onto over the years since until what we bought is a four bedroom 1700 sqft house on an acre of land on the edge of this little town (1000 folks) - half anglo and half hispanic.
It's quirky and wonderful but also has it's share of weird. Like you have to go into the guest room to turn on the living room lights or the living room to turn on the utility room. And almost every room is on a different level. It's a riot. We love it.
I originally moved here in 1999 and announced that I was the ONLY out gay person in town. They punished me by electing to the Town Council in 2007. I have never been so universally welcomed by a whole town full of folks. I brought my husband here in about 2004. We got married in 2014 and they practically shut down the town as we had 200 at our ceremony. In 2017 we felt were getting older (I'm now 81 and Ed is 75) we thought we needed a hospital closer than 40 miles and a grocery store closer than 20! We moved to Truth or Consequences (yeah, that's real) for 7 years and realized what we REALLY needed was to be surrounded by friends in case the orange monkey got elected and moved back last year. Absolutely no regrets!! And I have a job for the rest of my life trying to redecorate and Ed figuring out the wiring. Life is GREAT!!!
Dennis, you and Ed are giving my LIFE! Thank you for sharing your story and experience. Love your spirit and pov. Sounds your little town is a big fan of you, boo. And your house sounds like a riddle wrapped in a mystery box. Originality counts…and I love a home with character. Sounds like yours is a perfect fit for you two. Cheers and much love and light to you and Ed!
I’m sharing the quote about no scars of happiness. 💙👩🏻🦳✌🏻
1.) Wait, what? You paid for a re-pipe on someone else's house?
2.) No, galvanized steel piping is not poisonous. Zinc is not toxic, especially
not in the infinitesimal amounts that dissolve into cold water.
3.) Copper piping can, indeed, be toxic if it is set with lead solder, which it
has not been for potable water since 1987, so copper is now the best
you can get.
4.) Sounds like the landlord's galvanized steel piping held up pretty well if it
was seventy years old and still carrying water tightly.
5.) Your landlord should report the price of the re-pipe on her/his IRS 1040,
as your payment of it is a revenue enhancement for the landlord. Are
you going to get any rent relief in exchange for your expenditure?
Sam
Fear not, Sam…the landlord picked up the tab. She’s dealing with some family stuff, so I was trying to be a good tenant and handle before realizing how expensive the repairs would be. She was gracious and lovely from my first text to her. The galvanized steel pipes were all for waste water and had corroded from 70+ years of use. They appeared to be at least 95% clogged with corrosion, gunk, and sediment. As for the clean water, I’ve had it tested and everything has always been good. Knock on wood. Thanks for your concern, dear. Other than an underground section just outside the house, all the problems have been resolved. Just having some draining issues with the washing machine. Hopefully that gets addressed this week. But, like everything, it’s expensive…mostly due to the cost to excavate. Fun stuff!
So, your fresh water pipes are in good shape, and I am glad for that. Galvanized steel is usually not used for any more than nipples on wastewater; hence, it is interesting to learn that your house had long runs of that. The primary reason is that, indeed, steel pipe is not good at carrying wastewater sustainably, with black cast iron or
PVC-40 being the choice. And you are correct, unburying any line is hard and
unpleasant work; but there are some guys in this world who just love to dig, thanks be to God. We also now have some delightful small hydraulic machines that can do some of that drudgery safely.
. Many people feel shame for having the plumber see their pipes in a mess, and that is entirely one-sided. Plumbers only see pipes in a mess and admire their work for a few brief moments of gratification as they flush water or gas through the new for testing and start-up. Things look much less bad to a plumber than they do to a customer who has been living in a state of denial for months (or days.) When that job looks good, the plumber goes on to the next mess. I love plumbers and do not begrudge them the prices they must charge.
- Sam
Thanks, Sam. The only embarrassment for me was how little I know about home maintenance. One of the many reasons I rent, I guess. lol
Hoping my landlord approves the extra excavation and repair. It’s making it hard to do laundry. And I don’t need another reason not to do laundry. lol
Cheers to you…apprecaite your kind, wise words. 🌈✌️
Oh boy, did this posting hit home with me! I now live in the Dallas metroplex, but blame and shame is not exclusive to Dallas residents or to way too many parents. I grew up in a north central Illinois farming town of a whopping 800 people. Let me assure you that tiny, rural villages like that are a very rich environment for promoting, even insisting upon, finding blame for every little or big thing. My parents were "slightly" more advanced than yours, but not that much. I often got blamed for things I didn't even do! Of course, I am not mentioning the many things I got away with and avoided getting blame as a result. But, as a result of this environment, I have always had to be very careful to try to avoid casting blame or shame unless it was critical to resolve an important issue. Mostly the blame in my childhood was originated with my father, and only rarely by my mother. And, even much more important, my mother worked very hard to make sure she passed on to me and my siblings a belief in and an approach to others where tolerance and acceptance were critically important. And for that, I am one lucky guy for certain. Thanks for sharing this heartfelt glimpse into your experiences.
Thank you, David. Glad my post struck a chord. I know Dallas doesn’t hold the copyright on blame or shame, but some of my “backsliding” Baptist family seem to consider both an artform worth passing on like a family heirloom. Imo…just say no. lol
Glad your parents were more enlightened. Appreciate you sharing your experience and for all your support. Cheers!
Oops, again: entries, not entires!
Sadly, blame and shame is rife throughout many communities and nations. Let us be compassionate towards ourselves and others. Forgiveness and understanding can be given to ourselves and each other. It is important to love, support and be caring.
Yessir. It’s the gift that keeps on giving. Sadly, my mother’s default phrase was “You ought to be ashamed of yourself.” Which led me to blow up at her many a time. Wishing shame on someone over a difference of opinion or taste is not cool in my book. I could have handled it better, but at least half of my stubbornness came from her…so subtlety was neither of our fortes. Life goes on, right? Cheers, Ray!
*parts, not parst!
I didn’t even notice…lol. PRATS!
Thank you, as always, for your insightful entires, Clint. Inquiring minds need to know: where did you find sources that listed Zachary Scott and Gary Lockwood as parst of our illustrious community?
Thanks, Fred. I found them both listed on a couple “shy-but-bi” guy lists. Couldn’t find more verification, but my gaydar is pretty good and I’ve always stopped in my tracks when I see them and have always considered them part of the family. Might be true, might not. But I’m hopeful.
Thank you for taking the time to reply, Clint. I'm a firm believer in hopefulness. I've long admired Scott's classic film performances, and Lockwood's rugged beauty. You go, Clint!
Oh, the blame and shame game is familiar to me. Growing up as a queer kid in the '50s helped form my perfectionist self. I can only imagine the shame that lingered for years in your hometown after the Kennedy assassination. Time stood still on that day for me and I will never forget where I was and what I was doing when the word came down.
I am grateful for people like you who help me to tell that little boy inside that it's OK, that there have been queer kids forever and they're just fine. Some of the images you post of those men who loved each other long before I was here help me feel strength and pride rather than blame and shame. Progress, not perfection.
PS. It sounds like you've got a great landlord.
Thank you, David. I definitely have a lovely landlord. She’s a fellow queer dear and has been extremely supportive since I shared my mental health struggles. After knowing her for over a decade, I’m finally really getting to really know her. Silver linings to some darker times. Glad you find some solace in my meanderings. To paraphrase Harvey Fierstein, “anything that helps us feel less alone is the purpose of Collide Press.” From my perfection self to yours…hugs!
Just reading this nearly caused me another stroke. Galvanized steel for drinking water supply, actually galvanized anything for the purpose of human consumption, is an absolute NOT. I grew up in the Midwest and this is a practice that has been banned for many decades. It is the equivalent to lead in house paint or gasoline and is an extreme danger to children. Within the past decade, I had to pickup a load of interstate highway signage support posts which are those systems that are on every interstate highway in the U.S. that has the huge green signs that tell you where you are and where you are going to. These steel posts are dipped in galvanizing solutions to make them weatherproof / rust resistant. After getting loaded and securing the load, I wondered what they felt like, and I persisted to pet them with my bare fingers. After I hit the highway, in less than 20-miles I began to feel weird (more so than normal), and within 70-miles I had a stroke, the kind you don't die from but wish you did. I cannot believe this is what was used in your home and ultimately surprised this didn't cause you massive headaches for no reason, or other serious health concerns. My current home / 5th wheel RV trailer, is entirely plumbed with PEX plastic which for the kitchen sink is currently frozen solid two days in a row now due to single digit temps, the fact is I don't have to worry about it affecting my health. And yes, it is frozen solid for now but no risk of bursting because PEX can expand. By tomorrow, it should thaw out and I'll have my kitchen sink back to normal again. Can't wait for winter to be over, as I'm sick of this damned cold weather. Normally this time of year I'm in Palm Springs, CA for my six-week vacation which I've done for the past 14-years, but right now I can't afford the trip due to change in jobs and major reduction in pay. Even Key West, FL is now outside of my budget which is another of my hangouts. Being gay and broke just doesn't go together, but it's my new reality.
A belated howdy, Jim. Sorry finances are tight for you too, boo. I’m hopeful to get to PS for a day or three getaway soon. I like close enough, but it can still be costly…that’s for sure. Alas. On the plumbing front, the galavanized steel pipes in my rental were all waste water. The house was built in the 1950s and seems that was standard for under the the house and the underground piping is mostly clay…crazy, huh? My landlord is being great and tackling things now that she’s aware there’s a problem. I’m 90% back in working order. Only my laundry is affected. Wishing your fortunes to turn back around and keep me posted when you might make it to PS again. Will do my best to coordinate a lunch with you. Cheers!
Galvanized steel pipe for waste, can't say I've ever seen that before. In my younger years that would be ductile cast iron then later ABS black plastic. With my new company, my first vacation which is only one week and not my normal six, comes up the second week of August. Next year it'll be 2-weeks. Ninety percent of the time while in PS, I stay at Desert Paradise, but have stayed at Canyon Club once, and the last time at the former Inn Exile which All Worlds bought and moved their entire operations to, then built that amazing indoor and an outdoor maze. I love mazes with lots of secret hiding places, lol. The former All Worlds location is now a mixed-sex swingers resort. Around eight years ago, I had intentions of moving to the Warm Sands area to a rental unit, but didn't think I'd find proper employment to afford the high cost of living there so I didn't move there, but ended up moving from Indianapolis to the Whispering Oaks gay RV campground resort 68-miles southwest of Nashville TN in Nov 2022. It's mostly quiet here during the cold season, but come warmer weather this place is robust with lots of activity and anywhere from 100-300 guys from around the country here on event weekends. It reminds me of a huge outdoor bathhouse. This campground also has ties to the Starland gay campground resort on CA-62 in Joshua Tree by the CMEN group out of West Hollywood. Needless to say, I'm very happy with my decision and love living within a community that is all our own.
Well done Clint. I would love to embrace my future instead of resorting to the Ivory Tower 😕 It's all long and complicated but so easy to solve instead of pulling up the drawbridge to the Ivory Tower. I guess it comes about from not believing in myself, like I used to. But this way I don't hurt anyone (emotionally) only myself. Now for plumbing, copper is the mandatory for in water and PVC for water out in 🇫🇴🇬🇧 It was common to use lead piping till the lead poisoning was realised in the older days. Enough rambling now, Cheers DougT 🇫🇴
I would like to encourage you to embrace your future too, dear one. As much as I love my little home, I’m looking forward to truly venturing out for the first time in a long while this week. My best friend—of 30ish years—and I have reconnected after a long winter’s break and he’s helping me get back in the swing of things. Hope you know I believe in you, boo. You’re a good man I hope to one day have a chance to meet in person. And if not in person, maybe we can find a way to connect for a video call or something. You’ve been such a sweet supporter since the very beginning and helped me more than you’ll ever know come out of my funk. As for plumbing, copper is for in here and ABS/PVC is for out. My house—except for an underground section that’s still causing some problems—is all repiped for the out water. Hoping my landlord agrees the expense for the last section is worth doing this week. Fingers crossed! Cheers.
Awww thanks Clint.
Ahh... blame. It's like a mischievous pixie who loves to play hide-and-seek. Risky game. Best to avoid it, if possible.
There’s an old saying from folks I know that worked at Disney about Tinkerbell’s “pixie dust” that comes to mind: If you don’t trust it, dust it. Well, I don’t trust blame games…or any pixies outside Sid & Marty Kroft’s The Bugaloos. It’s the show that helped me realize I was gay as a kid. lol https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0065280/
Wha? You're gay?😜