The video on "queer" had come up on my YT feed but I chose not to watch it because I felt that he and I would agree. Having watched it, I am totally aligned with what he says in the video.
I came out, other than earlier to my family, in 1972 as i was completing my professional qualifications as a clinical psychologist. Some of my professo…
The video on "queer" had come up on my YT feed but I chose not to watch it because I felt that he and I would agree. Having watched it, I am totally aligned with what he says in the video.
I came out, other than earlier to my family, in 1972 as i was completing my professional qualifications as a clinical psychologist. Some of my professors and fellow students urged me to have aversion therapy - they meant it quite caringly. I refused. I was homosexual - an adjective referring to my sexual attraction, not a noun and not an identity.
I joined the Campaign for Homosexual Equality (CHE) which had urged the change in criminal law in 1967. It was an integrative group but I did mix with peopIe with a more militant and separatist view. I then got elected to the executive committee and re-elected until 1977. I was part of the international conference that decided that decided to be more inclusive and use LGTB as the umbrella term. I would then refer to myself as gay again as an adjective not a noun.
I was carrying out my doctoral research, very part-time, while working in general mental health but specialising in LGBT affirmative approaches. I saw many clients, including 4 MTF and 2 FTM trans individuals, during those five years.
My theoretical, academic and philosphical/political approach was ingrationist as I saw (and see) dimensions and scales rather than categorical boxes. For me, someone could be 5%, 23% 74% gay/lesbian is the adjectival description of their sexuality. I saw a range of gender positions from fluid, non-binary, gender non-conforming to trans. Again, adjectives and non-categorical. All of this was consistent with my PhD thesis in 1981.
Consequently, I have rejected the idea of labels though I don't mind people taking on a label for themselves. I can iunderstand people wanting to have an identity but homosexual, gay or queer does identify me or limit me.
Queer was an insult to me - as was puff, nancy-boy, pansy, bumboy or whatever. I still don't like it - unconventional would be more appropriate but I don't want that label either. Gay wasn't accurate. Most people whom I saw in clinics (or outside) were not happy little bunnies. Homophobia still lives and breathes. People still get imprisoned or executed for being different. I don't see people as different though we are all individuals, unique.
Is a teenage boy who wanks with other bouys at 13 or 14 just exploring or experiementing? Is a homie who gives bro-jobs to other homies when they are both intoxicated, not "gay" if they keep their socks on?
It doesn't make sense to me to say that eveyone is bi, any more than it is useful to say everyone is gay or straight.
I have to be sensitive and accept the fact that most people have an unsophisticated view of sex and gender. Some see some words as insulting, others want a more comfortable word as an umbrella, some people want to challenge and fight the norm of heterosexuality, some of us want to see all people as fellow humans, brothers and sisters, whatever their colour, ability/disability, sexual preferences, gender, sex, religion, political beliefs and so on.
Thank you, Ray, for the thoughtful reply and share. It’s heart-warming to see the evolution of both our understandings of gender and sexuality as well as our vocabulary to talk about them. You’ve helped me clarify my own preference for “queer.” I’m a gay guy, but I suspect if nonbinary had been part of my vocabulary earlier in life I might have adopted it. Don’t feel strongly about my own gender identity, but I know I’m drawn to men like a moth to a flame. From Southern Baptist Sissy to Who’s He?!….that’s me. :-)
Our mutuality and reciprocity is vlued by me. If I am still evolving then I am sure that you are still following your pathway. The idea of "Man" when I was young was quite toxic and I rejected it, without claiming to be "woman". I am psychologically anfrogynous for sure but I also see the non-toxic and gentle, loving vulnerability of men, too, - as is evidenced in some of my comments on your creations. I am more comfortable being the kind of man that I am.
The video on "queer" had come up on my YT feed but I chose not to watch it because I felt that he and I would agree. Having watched it, I am totally aligned with what he says in the video.
I came out, other than earlier to my family, in 1972 as i was completing my professional qualifications as a clinical psychologist. Some of my professors and fellow students urged me to have aversion therapy - they meant it quite caringly. I refused. I was homosexual - an adjective referring to my sexual attraction, not a noun and not an identity.
I joined the Campaign for Homosexual Equality (CHE) which had urged the change in criminal law in 1967. It was an integrative group but I did mix with peopIe with a more militant and separatist view. I then got elected to the executive committee and re-elected until 1977. I was part of the international conference that decided that decided to be more inclusive and use LGTB as the umbrella term. I would then refer to myself as gay again as an adjective not a noun.
I was carrying out my doctoral research, very part-time, while working in general mental health but specialising in LGBT affirmative approaches. I saw many clients, including 4 MTF and 2 FTM trans individuals, during those five years.
My theoretical, academic and philosphical/political approach was ingrationist as I saw (and see) dimensions and scales rather than categorical boxes. For me, someone could be 5%, 23% 74% gay/lesbian is the adjectival description of their sexuality. I saw a range of gender positions from fluid, non-binary, gender non-conforming to trans. Again, adjectives and non-categorical. All of this was consistent with my PhD thesis in 1981.
Consequently, I have rejected the idea of labels though I don't mind people taking on a label for themselves. I can iunderstand people wanting to have an identity but homosexual, gay or queer does identify me or limit me.
Queer was an insult to me - as was puff, nancy-boy, pansy, bumboy or whatever. I still don't like it - unconventional would be more appropriate but I don't want that label either. Gay wasn't accurate. Most people whom I saw in clinics (or outside) were not happy little bunnies. Homophobia still lives and breathes. People still get imprisoned or executed for being different. I don't see people as different though we are all individuals, unique.
Is a teenage boy who wanks with other bouys at 13 or 14 just exploring or experiementing? Is a homie who gives bro-jobs to other homies when they are both intoxicated, not "gay" if they keep their socks on?
It doesn't make sense to me to say that eveyone is bi, any more than it is useful to say everyone is gay or straight.
I have to be sensitive and accept the fact that most people have an unsophisticated view of sex and gender. Some see some words as insulting, others want a more comfortable word as an umbrella, some people want to challenge and fight the norm of heterosexuality, some of us want to see all people as fellow humans, brothers and sisters, whatever their colour, ability/disability, sexual preferences, gender, sex, religion, political beliefs and so on.
Thank you, Ray, for the thoughtful reply and share. It’s heart-warming to see the evolution of both our understandings of gender and sexuality as well as our vocabulary to talk about them. You’ve helped me clarify my own preference for “queer.” I’m a gay guy, but I suspect if nonbinary had been part of my vocabulary earlier in life I might have adopted it. Don’t feel strongly about my own gender identity, but I know I’m drawn to men like a moth to a flame. From Southern Baptist Sissy to Who’s He?!….that’s me. :-)
Our mutuality and reciprocity is vlued by me. If I am still evolving then I am sure that you are still following your pathway. The idea of "Man" when I was young was quite toxic and I rejected it, without claiming to be "woman". I am psychologically anfrogynous for sure but I also see the non-toxic and gentle, loving vulnerability of men, too, - as is evidenced in some of my comments on your creations. I am more comfortable being the kind of man that I am.
Sounds familiar, Ray of Light…shine on!