It's taken me a bit to be able to write. Some close friends here, but the ones who grabbed my heart were the first names of guys I didn't know: "Bobby" "Mike" etc. They stood for the thousands who, though not famous, were deeply loved.
I lost two spouses in eight years, but was nowhere near the most devastated in my group of friends. One …
It's taken me a bit to be able to write. Some close friends here, but the ones who grabbed my heart were the first names of guys I didn't know: "Bobby" "Mike" etc. They stood for the thousands who, though not famous, were deeply loved.
I lost two spouses in eight years, but was nowhere near the most devastated in my group of friends. One year I went to 56 funerals/memorials in 52 weeks.
Vito Russo (& Larry Kramer, ofc) made me an activist. I was leaving the service as things picked up steam & well remember how ANGRY we were. Matlovitch said it best: "My country gave me a medal for killing a man; & a discharge for loving one."
There was a President who would not utter the word; a powerful Senator who thought we should all be quarantined at Guantanamo -- positive OR negative; & fundraising stars who had no problem supporting PEDIATRIC AIDS patients, but no one else.
There were kind & helpful people as well. I remember the shock of an Evangelical Doctor preaching safe sex (C. Everett Koop) the secret (at first) meetings at NIH & the hoops we jumped through to get "off label" special meds (Dr. Fauci told us the truth when asked & said "I don't know" when we couldn't tell if a new treatment will help us or kill us)-- when none of us knew what would work & what wouldn't. Even the World's two LARGEST MEDICAL EGOS (one in DC; one in Paris) who fought for credit could be shamed into ensuring THEIR patients got the very best care.
And, most of all, I remember how Lesbians saved us over & over again -- working the system to get us care, drugs, legal advice, spiritual help, housing, & food EVERY SINGLE DAY. The incredible sacrifices these women made can never be repaid. I've made sure the ones who continue in my life know how willing I am to attempt to repay their kindnesses in the last month. This time, the show may be on the other foot & I owe these women. We're currently having conversations about what that looks like come January.
So I see I've rambled a bit. Oh well, this year of all years, December 1st hits hard. The main lesson AIDS taught me is to organize & fight back. That lesson's gonna come in handy sooner than we ever thought
Tom, first, my condolences for all your lost loved ones. Second, thank you for sharing your story and for standing up and fighting when our so-called leaders wouldn’t.
While I was affected as directly, I finally came face-to-face with the virus when I joined my first gay group in college. It was my first step to coming out and the group’s president was one of the sweetest men I’d ever met. I developed a crush quickly and just as quickly found out he was partnered and his partner was in the hospital, likely dying of AIDS.
When he shared this with me, I think he thought it would make me run. It didn’t. It made me cry. And it got me involved…becoming friends with them both, a new member of the care team.
In the process, I met some of sisters and saw the kindnesses and miracles, big and small, they delivered. Angels on earth for sure.
While my new friend ultimately didn’t make it out alive, getting to know him and his extended family is why I do some of what I do today.
My hope by making the NSFW videos we can all heal a little and see our universal humanity and masculinity as we truly are: beautiful and perfectly imperfect.
I’m rambling, but hope you know how much I appreciate you sharing your heart here. Thank you, Tom.
It's taken me a bit to be able to write. Some close friends here, but the ones who grabbed my heart were the first names of guys I didn't know: "Bobby" "Mike" etc. They stood for the thousands who, though not famous, were deeply loved.
I lost two spouses in eight years, but was nowhere near the most devastated in my group of friends. One year I went to 56 funerals/memorials in 52 weeks.
Vito Russo (& Larry Kramer, ofc) made me an activist. I was leaving the service as things picked up steam & well remember how ANGRY we were. Matlovitch said it best: "My country gave me a medal for killing a man; & a discharge for loving one."
There was a President who would not utter the word; a powerful Senator who thought we should all be quarantined at Guantanamo -- positive OR negative; & fundraising stars who had no problem supporting PEDIATRIC AIDS patients, but no one else.
There were kind & helpful people as well. I remember the shock of an Evangelical Doctor preaching safe sex (C. Everett Koop) the secret (at first) meetings at NIH & the hoops we jumped through to get "off label" special meds (Dr. Fauci told us the truth when asked & said "I don't know" when we couldn't tell if a new treatment will help us or kill us)-- when none of us knew what would work & what wouldn't. Even the World's two LARGEST MEDICAL EGOS (one in DC; one in Paris) who fought for credit could be shamed into ensuring THEIR patients got the very best care.
And, most of all, I remember how Lesbians saved us over & over again -- working the system to get us care, drugs, legal advice, spiritual help, housing, & food EVERY SINGLE DAY. The incredible sacrifices these women made can never be repaid. I've made sure the ones who continue in my life know how willing I am to attempt to repay their kindnesses in the last month. This time, the show may be on the other foot & I owe these women. We're currently having conversations about what that looks like come January.
So I see I've rambled a bit. Oh well, this year of all years, December 1st hits hard. The main lesson AIDS taught me is to organize & fight back. That lesson's gonna come in handy sooner than we ever thought
Tom, first, my condolences for all your lost loved ones. Second, thank you for sharing your story and for standing up and fighting when our so-called leaders wouldn’t.
While I was affected as directly, I finally came face-to-face with the virus when I joined my first gay group in college. It was my first step to coming out and the group’s president was one of the sweetest men I’d ever met. I developed a crush quickly and just as quickly found out he was partnered and his partner was in the hospital, likely dying of AIDS.
When he shared this with me, I think he thought it would make me run. It didn’t. It made me cry. And it got me involved…becoming friends with them both, a new member of the care team.
In the process, I met some of sisters and saw the kindnesses and miracles, big and small, they delivered. Angels on earth for sure.
While my new friend ultimately didn’t make it out alive, getting to know him and his extended family is why I do some of what I do today.
My hope by making the NSFW videos we can all heal a little and see our universal humanity and masculinity as we truly are: beautiful and perfectly imperfect.
I’m rambling, but hope you know how much I appreciate you sharing your heart here. Thank you, Tom.
Well said Tom 🫂 DougT