
'I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For'
Singing And Dancing...Like No One's Watching
Iāve always loved singing. Mostly in the car or in the shower.
During my early 20s, I traveled so much for work that I started rating hotels by how good their showers made my voice sound. True story.
Whenever Iām (mostly) alone and wherever Iām (mostly) not going to embarrass myself too badly, I tend to sing loudly and proudly. And when Iām not singing, Iām probably hummingā¦because I donāt know or canāt remember the lyrics.
Back in 1996, some friends convinced me I had a decent voice and should try karaoke. The first time I ātook the stageā was with two of those friends during a business trip to Australia.
It was a night to rememberā¦.the crowd at the small bar an hour outside of Sydney was rowdy and ready to have a good time. So our newly-formed karaoke group did our best to entertain with rambunctious renditions of āIf You Leaveā by Orchestral Maneuvers In The Dark (OMD) and āY.M.C.A.ā by the Village People.
One of my friendsāan Americanāhad the voice of a frog. The otherāan Aussieāhad the voice of an angel. I stood between them, my voice somewhere in the middle.
As bad as we probably sounded, the crowd ate it up.
Especially my terrible attempt at choreography during āY.M.C.A.ā
During āIf You Leave,ā Miss Aussie Angel turned to me and said, āNot a bad voice, Clint, but donāt just stand there. Youāre not a rock. Dance like no oneās looking.ā
But they were looking. And my imagination is only so good.
Long story short: we werenāt the worst act of the nightābut we werenāt the best either. Still, despite my twenty-something insecurities and my ever-present self-consciousness, I had a great time.
When I got back to Dallas, I decided to go outāaloneāto a karaoke night at one of my favorite gay bars. It was...also a night to remember.
Why I thought it was a good idea to sing U2ās āI Still Havenāt Found What Iām Looking Forā remains a mystery. I blame a cocktail of jetlag and loneliness. I was single and ready to mingle, and I thought my untrained voice might mesh well with Bonoās.
Letās just say...I was wrong.
Good Golly, Miss Molly! From the very first note, I knew I was in danger, gurl.
My performanceāor lack thereofābrought the bar to a near-standstill. Faces shifted from concern to curiosity to disbelief. I mightāve been smiling on the outside, but inside I just wanted to disappear.
It was the longest four-and-a-half minutes of my life.
When the song finally ended, I handed off the mic like it was a live grenade and made a beeline for the exit. I could tell from the crowdās faces that there was little chances I would be mingling that night. Or so I thought.
A handsome, blue-eyed guy stopped me on my way out. He touched my arm gently.
āHi. Iām Allen. Donāt be so hard on yourself, handsome. At least you tried. Unlike most of these cowards. Want to go out sometime?ā
It wasnāt exactly what I was looking forāa pity dateābut beggars canāt be choosers. We ended up going out for dinner and a movie a few days later. And while romantic sparks didnāt fly, a friendship bloomed. We stayed in touch for a while, until we both moved to opposite sides of the countryā¦before social media and free long-distance calls. Allen was a lovely friend for a reason and a seasonā¦
Cut to 29 years later: me, last night, singing and dancing alone in my living room. Still single. And maybe ready to mingle?
Over the years, my voice hasnāt improved muchāand my dancing definitely hasnātābut Iāve stopped caring so much about what others think. I focus on having fun.
As for the traveling, I do miss it, but not the jetlag. Or the loneliness.
Somewhere along the way between then and now, I learned I could be alone without being lonely. And when Iām singing and dancing like no oneās watchingāsometimes, Iām all the company and harmony I really need.
I hope YOU dance!
Clint šāļø
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FOR YOUR (SUBSTACK) CONSIDERATION
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) šThe Unflinching Brilliance of Adolescence (
) šPalCinema Review: Grand Tour (
) š- ) š
What To Do In Uncertain Times? Get Lean - The Emotions Diary (
) š
ON THIS DAY = APRIL 11
BIRTHDAYS
1901 = Glenway Wescott = American writer š
1913 = Oleg Cassini = French-American fashion designer
1916 = Howard W. Koch = American director and producer
1932 = Joel Grey = American actor, singer, dancer, and director š
1944 = John Milius = American filmmaker
1946 = Chris Burden = American sculptor, illustrator, and academic
1947 = Uli Edel = German filmmaker
1955 = Michael Callen = American singer-songwriter, author, and activist š
1956 = Christine Hallquist = American politician š
1961 = Vincent Gallo = American actor, director, producer, and musician
1966 = Lisa Stansfield = English singer-songwriter and actor
1973 = Jennifer Esposito = American actor and writer
1987 = Joss Stone = English singer-songwriter and actor
EVENTS
1952 = Singin' in the Rain is released in theaters.
1968 = POTUS Lyndon B. Johnson signs the Civil Rights Act of 1968, prohibiting discrimination in the sale, rental, and financing of housing.
1976 = The Apple I is created.
HOLIDAYS + OBSERVANCES
PORTRAIT + QUOTE OF THE DAY
āI don't like labels, but if you have to put a label on it, I'm a gay man.ā
Joel Grey
"If you don't tell the whole truth about yourself, life is a ridiculous exercise.ā
Joel Grey
Thank you so much for the share! I truly appreciate it!
Thank you so much for the shoutout.