Growing up, I mostly stayed away from boys and men.
Partly because I was attracted to too many of them.
Partly because too many of them were bullies and buttheads.
It seemed easier, and safer, to keep my distance.
But as I started coming out to myself in high school, I realized something was missing from my life: Guy friends.
I wasn’t looking for boyfriends.
I was looking for “just friends.”
For someone who grew up seeing other men as either a crush or a threat, learning how to build genuine male friendships was both hard and healing.
Over the years, I’ve collected an amazing group of guys I can laugh with, vent to, celebrate with, and occasionally go out and get in trouble with. They are my brothers from other mothers. Our benefits are emotional, not physical.
Not that there's anything wrong with getting physical. I just prefer to save that for my “friends with benefits.” I've been lucky enough to have a few over the years. At the moment, I'm accepting applications and holding auditions. 😈😎
The phrase "friends with benefits" tends to make some folks clutch their pearls. But we're all grown-ass adults here. Personally, I've always thought the friendship deserved top billing. At their best, these physical friendships are built on honesty, trust, respect, and clear communication. The benefits are just that: benefits.
I don’t know about you, but not every connection has to become a soulmate audition.
Sometimes two people genuinely enjoy each other’s company. Sometimes they enjoy each other’s bodies too. With any luck, everyone leaves happy, nobody gets weird, and the friendship lives long and prospers.
As I’ve gotten older, my circle of “just friends” has become one of the greatest blessings in my life. Along with my sisters from other misters, my brothers from other mothers are the people who keep me grounded, remind me who I am, and show up when it matters.
I haven't been quite as successful with my roster of “friends with benefits.” Honestly, at my age, it's less of a roster and more of a wish list. But I'm learning that every kind of connection is worth investing in, so I'm keeping my eyes open for contenders.
Life has taught me that intimacy comes in a lot of different forms. Some people feed your soul. Some people feed your funny bone. Some people scratch an itch that doesn’t necessarily require a lifetime commitment.
The older I get, the less interested I am in forcing every relationship (or situationship) into the same box. Some people are meant to be lifelong friends. Some are meant to be lovers. Some are meant to be both…at least for a while.
Not every connection has to last forever to be meaningful.
Sometimes the greatest benefit isn’t the sex. It’s finding people who make life a little less lonely, a little more joyful, and remind you that there are countless ways to love and be loved.
Keep calm and keep shining!
Clint 🌈✌️
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FROM THE ARCHIVES
BORN THIS WAY ON THIS DAY
07-01 = Charles Laughton (1899-1962) = English-American actor and filmmaker
07-01 = Dom Orejudos (1933-1991) = American artist (Etienne)
07-01 = Farley Granger (1925-2011) = American actor
07-01 = Kiyoshi Kuromiya (1943-2000) = Japanese-American author and activist
07-01 = Louis Joseph (1654-1712) = French military commander (Vendôme)
07-01 = Orlando Cruz (1981- ) = Puerto Rican professional boxer
07-01 = Scotty Bowers (1923-2019) = American marine, author, and pimp
MAN CRUSHES OF THE DAY
WATCH SCOTTY AND THE SECRET HISTORY OF HOLLYWOOD (2017)
Full Film Free On YouTube
🌈🤠
There are people with whom I am friendly. There is a hardful that I would dignify with the word "friend". The mother of my non-biological sons, those two sons, my ex-partner (his husband is loving and caring towards me but there isn't the meeting of minds and souls) are the closest but I do not see much of them and we rarely communicate (but when we do, when we are together -wow!). There are many people that love me and care about me and that caring love is returned by me, They do not know me on a deep soul level, though.