Bridging Our Divides

We're Better Together, Y'all

Every time I open Scruff, the gay dating/hookup app, I feel like I’m browsing the world’s weirdest and wildest version of Zillow, the real estate/valuation app.

• “Love hiking and hijinks”

• “Dog dad with a dad bod”

• “Gaymer4Gaymers”

• "NSA ISO LTR"

• “No drama or open relationships”

• “Chunky and funky”

Even though half the profiles sound like they were written by a chatbot having an identity crisis, I keep doom-scrolling anyway, in search of signs of intelligent life in the universe...and hopefully a few guys interested in exploring a friends with benefits (FWB) situationship with me.

The funny thing is, the older I get, the less interested I am in everyone's labels and the more fascinated I become by what we all have in common.

Which is kind of ironic, because I didn't exactly major in Men 101 growing up.

Yes, I'm gay. But my closest friends were almost always girls and women. Around them, I could simply be myself. I didn't feel like I had to prove anything or perform some version of masculinity that never quite fit.

Meanwhile, boys scared the shit out of me.

Not all of them, of course. My dad and a handful of male relatives embodied the kind of masculinity I still admire today. They were gentle without being weak, strong without being intimidating, and confident without making everyone else feel small.

They taught me that real strength isn't about dominating a room. It's about making the people around you feel safe enough to be themselves.

But most of the boys I encountered growing up? Hard pass. They were loud, unpredictable, and oddly committed to solving every disagreement with either a fist or a football.

Fast forward a few decades, and I'm still getting to know men. Not just romantically, but as friends, neighbors, coworkers, and strangers on the internet.

The more deep, honest conversations I have with my fellow man, the more convinced I am that we've all been sold a bill of goods about what separates us.

These days, it feels like everyone wants us to pick a side:

• Left or right?

• Red or blue?

• Gay or straight?

• Religious or atheist?

• Masculine or feminine?

Every conversation seems to come with an invisible loyalty test, as if we're supposed to squeeze ourselves into one neat little box and stay there forever.

I’ve never been much of a box guy. Mainly because I usually fall somewhere in the middle, more interested in understanding people than putting them into categories.

Unfortunately, algorithms don’t make money from nuance. They thrive on conflict. They reward outrage. They keep us doom-scrolling, doom-posting, and wondering whether civilization has another See You Next Tuesday or Taco Tuesday left in it.

But something funny happens when I put down my phone and spend time with actual human beings.

The labels fade. The caricatures disappear. And men become...men again.

I’ve noticed the same things over and over:

• Most just want to feel respected.

• Most carry regrets they rarely talk about.

• Most worry they’re screwing something up.

• Most want someone who laughs at their dumb jokes.

• Most are doing the best they can with the tools life handed them.

• Most are trying to be good sons, brothers, husbands, partners, fathers, friends, or simply decent human beings.

And underneath all the muscles, or lack thereof, there's usually a sweet little boy who's still asking the same question: Am I enough?

• Enough of a man.

• Enough to be loved.

• Enough to matter.

The more I listen to other people's stories, the more I realize we're all carrying around variations of the same hopes and fears.

• We want to love.

• We want to belong.

• We want to be loved.

• We want to laugh more than we cry.

That's why I'm becoming less interested in finding people who think exactly like I do and more interested in finding people who are curious enough to have a conversation.

• People who know how to laugh at themselves.

• People who understand that kindness isn’t weakness.

• People who can disagree without becoming disagreeable.

The internet and legacy media have made a fortune convincing us that we're enemies.

But real life keeps reminding me that we're neighbors and fellow travelers. We're all perfectly imperfect human beings trying to make sense of this weird little ride on this weird little planet, traveling through time and space together.

Maybe that’s the real lesson: The labels aren’t meaningless, but they’re rarely the most interesting thing about us. Our politics, religion, sexuality, careers, bodies, and dating profiles may tell part of our story. Our humanity tells the rest.

• Here’s to giving each other a little more grace.

• Here’s to crossing more bridges than we burn.

• Here’s to asking more questions than making assumptions.

Because beneath all the labels, we're all looking for many of the same things:

• A little understanding.

• A little respect.

• A little laughter.

• And a safe place where we can finally love ourselves and each other.

Turns out, we really are more alike than we are different.

And we’re better together, y’all.

Keep calm and carry on!
Clint 🌈✌️

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FROM THE ARCHIVES

NSFW MONTAGES = On Substack
SFW MONTAGES = On YouTube

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BORN THIS WAY ON THIS DAY

• 07-21 = Hart Crane (1899-1932) = American poet 🌈

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MAN CRUSH OF THE DAY

HART CRANE

“And I have been able to give freedom and life which was acknowledged in the ecstasy of walking hand in hand across the most beautiful bridge of the world, the cables enclosing us and pulling us upward in such a dance as I have never walked and never can walk with another.”
Hart Crane