12-21 = Michael Tilson Thomas (1944- ) = American conductor and composer š
12-22 = JeanāMichel Basquiat (1960-1988) = American artist š
12-22 = Marc AllĆ©gret (1900-1973) = French screenwriter and film director š
12-23 = Mary Rozet Smith (1868-1934) = American philanthropist š
12-24 = Brenda Howard (1946-2005) = American activist š
12-24 = Galba (3 BCE-69 CE) = Roman emperor š
12-24 = Lee Daniels (1959- ) = American filmmaker and tv producer š
12-24 = Ricky Martin (1971- ) = Puerto Rican singer-songwriter and actor š
12-24 = StormĆ© DeLarverie (1920-2014) = American drag king š
12-25 = Albert Cashier (1843-1915) = Irish-American trans Union Army soldier š
12-25 = Ismail Merchant (1936-2005) = Indian-English director and producer š
12-25 = Quentin Crisp (1908-1999) = English author and illustrator š
12-26 = David Sedaris (1956- ) = American comedian, author, and radio host š
12-27 = Desiree Akhavan (1984- ) = American filmmaker, writer, and actor š
12-27 = Guido Westerwelle (1961-2016) = German politician š
12-27 = Lisa Kove (1958- ) = American civil servant and retired combat veteran š
12-27 = Marlene Dietrich (1901-1992) = German-American actor and singer š
12-27 = Martha Shelley (1943- ) = American activist, writer, and poet š
12-27 = Wilson Cruz (1973- ) = American actor š
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WHAT THE HELLāS GOING ON?
Two weeks ago, I got back from my first solo cruise wrapped in warm fuzzies and an afterglow of joy. I was a little tired. Insomnia and I are long-term frenemies, so that did not set off any alarms.
I unpacked. I napped. I told stories. And life started to roll on.
Or so I thought.
What followed was a slow, sneaky plot twist. The kind I didnāt see coming until I was already deep down in it, Nine Inch Nails style:
At first, I was just sleepy. Aggressively sleepy. Sleeping through alarms. Sleeping through entire days. Sleeping so much it stopped feeling restorative and started feeling wrong.
Then things got stranger.
My thoughts felt scrambled. My emotions became unpredictable. I felt disconnected from myself in a way thatās hard to explain unless youāve lived it. Not sad, exactly. Not anxious in my usual way. Justā¦off. Unmoored. A little scary, if Iām being honest. There were moments when my brain was breaking up with me.
Long story short: the problem turned out to be some prescription interactions.
It was a perfect storm of medications that when taken individually were fine, but when taken together slowly turned my nervous system into Dr. Frankensteinās laboratory.
Thankfully, the morning things tipped from āthis is concerningā into āwhat the hell is happening to me,ā I had a follow-up appointment with my doctor. I walked into her office exhausted, foggy, and no longer fully trusting my own perceptions. But I did my best to describe the symptoms. I didnāt minimize them. I didnāt joke them away.
Once we looked at the full picture, it was clear something wasnāt right. Adjustments were made. Medications were discontinued. A plan was put in place. And the spiral slowly, over the course of days, stopped spinning.
Iām sharing this not for drama or sympathy, but for clarity. For myself. And for anyone who has ever thought, Why do I feel like Iām losing my grip when Iām doing everything ārightā?
Sometimes itās not burnout.
Sometimes itās not mindset.
Sometimes itās not a personal failing.
Sometimes itās just chemistry, yāall.
I donāt love realizing how delicate my internal chemistry can be. I donāt love losing days to sleep I didnāt choose, or to thoughts that donāt feel like my own. And I really donāt love how quickly self-doubt creeps in when your brain is having technical difficulties.
Right now, Iām stabilizing. Slowly coming back into myself. Drinking water. Sleeping less (but still a lot). Paying attention. Being gentle instead of judgmental.
If the past couple of weeks have felt quiet from my side of the screen, I hope this helps explain why.
If nothing else, let this be a friendly reminder: if something feels off, trust that feeling. Ask questions. Advocate for yourself. You deserve to feel like you in your own head.
More soon. And thank you for the patience, the grace, and the quiet understanding.
Keep calm and push on!
Clint šāļø
Clint, Awkward to click ā„ļø as you describe your prescription reactions. Might I add that after all your: "Don't likes" you could add: "I like that I was aware enough to know something was wrong." "I like that I took myself to the doctor and let it all hang out" "I like that my doctor has helped me gain control over my meds." "I like that I am beginning to feel better." "I am grateful that while I hate having to take meds, they keep my alive and without them, where would I be?" Finally, "I like that my followers love me no matter what and understand when there are absences. We all need down time." Thanks Clint for being who you are! Fondy, Michael
Ohh Clint I was there a while back. I had let the medics talk me into Statin popping. Ok at first but a gradual spiral down into brain fogs and restless sleep even though I was forever tired etc Good old Dr Google diagnosed Statin wasn't my tass d te. My cholesterol levels weren't that bad I had just let the medics talk me into popping them. Long and short of it I told the medics I was stopping their use and I haven't looked back. As you say advocate for yourself. Hopefully your getting into last minute preparations for Christmas, me I'm a Grinch about the seasonš§ Cheers DougT š“ó §ó ¢ó „ó ®ó §ó 暬š§