Way back in 1995, I was on a business trip in NYC over Thanksgiving. I was having a blast in The Big Apple when my boss unexpectedly sent everyone home early so we could “spend it with family.” For me, that meant my mother and stepfather.
It should have been touching. Heartwarming. A Hallmark moment.
Instead, I called a friend who was working at the airport that day. He got off around the time my flight landed, so we have dinner at IHOP for dinner and saw Home for the Holidays at the local cineplex.
It ended up being one of my favorite Thanksgivings ever.
The truth is, I love a traditional Thanksgiving meal as much as the next fat dude. I love the smells, the carbs, and the pumpkin pie that counts as both vegetable and dessert. But the price is way too high. I bristle at what one of my queerest friends calls “forced family fun.”
Maybe I struggle with the holidays because I’m gay and was expected, for far, far too long, to keep quiet about my personal life.
“Just smile and be nice,” my mom would say.
What she really meant was: Don’t rock the boat. Don’t mention your boyfriends. Don’t talk about your friends or your life. Don’t exist too loudly. Don’t be you, boo.
Another reason I’ve avoided family holidays most of my adult life is that my bio family is chock full of assholes. And for reasons known only to the universe, they treat every holiday as excuse to act out like the temperamental (emphasis on temper and mental) toddlers they are, ruining whatever joy the day was supposed to hold for the rest of us.
Growing up, the season wasn’t about celebration or gratitude—it was about walking on emotional eggshells. One wrong comment and suddenly someone was crying, someone was shouting, and someone was hoarding all the good liquor.
Yet pop culture insists family holidays are still sacred. It’s the season of togetherness. The time for traditions. The place where you belong—unless you don’t. Being LGBTQ at a traditional holiday gathering feels less like a reunion and more like a performance art piece.
So many of us don’t go “home” for the holidays. We build our own instead. We celebrate Friendsgiving in apartments, diners, and bars. We show up for each other in ways our relatives can’t, don’t, or won’t.
My best holidays have rarely been with the people I was told were “family.” They’ve been with the people who love me as I am. People who don’t ask me to shrink. Who don’t treat my existence like a debate. Who laugh with me, not at me.
The holidays don’t define us. We define them.
Tomorrow, my celebration will be small but mighty: me, my best friend, and maybe my roommate, sharing a meal that makes no sense to anyone but us: turkey pot pies and tamales; wine and weed; and pecan pie for dessert.
There will be laughter. There will be leftovers. There will be room for every part of me.
No closets. No whispers. No negotiations.
I used to think holidays were about honoring traditions someone else wrote. Now I know they’re about creating my own traditions.
In my opinion, chosen family isn’t the backup plan. It’s the upgrade.
And honestly? I can’t think of anything more “family-friendly” than that.
Keep calm and show love!
Clint 🌈✌️
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FYC = FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION
ON THIS DAY = NOVEMBER 26
BIRTHDAYS
1604 = Johannes Bach = German organist and composer
1832 = Mary Edwards Walker = American abolitionist, prohibitionist, and surgeon 🌈
1895 = Bill W. = American activist and Alcoholics Anonymous co-founder
1910 = Cyril Cusack = South African-born Irish actor
1920 = Daniel Petrie = Canadian-American filmmaker
1922 = Charles M. Schulz = American cartoonist and Peanuts creator
1924 = George Segal = American painter and sculptor
1933 = Robert Goulet = American-Canadian singer and actor
1938 = Rich Little = Canadian-American comedian, actor, and singer
1939 = Mark Margolis = American actor
1939 = Tina Turner = American-Swiss singer-songwriter, dancer, and actor
1943 = Bruce Paltrow = American director and producer
1953 = Julien Temple = English filmmaker
1957 = Félix González–Torres = Cuban-American artist 🌈
1957 = Simon Nkoli = South African activist 🌈
1969 = Kara Walker = American painter and illustrator
1970 = John Amaechi = English retired basketball player 🌈
1972 = Jonathan Caouette = American filmmaker 🌈
1973 = Peter Facinelli = American actor, director, and producer
1974 = Tammy Lynn Michaels = American actor 🌈
1981 = Natasha Bedingfield = English singer-songwriter
1990 = Rita Ora = Kosovan-English singer-songwriter and actor
1994 = Emma Portner = Canadian dancer and choreographer 🌈
1998 = Chella Man = American actor, activist, and artist 🌈
EVENTS
1778 = In the Hawaiian Islands, Captain James Cook becomes the first European to visit Maui.
1789 = A national Thanksgiving Day is observed in the United States as proclaimed by President George Washington at the request of Congress.
1863 = United States President Abraham Lincoln proclaims November 26 as a national Thanksgiving Day, to be celebrated annually on the final Thursday of November. Following the Franksgiving controversy from 1939 to 1941, it has been observed on the fourth Thursday in 1942 and subsequent years.
1922 = Howard Carter and Lord Carnarvon become the first people to enter the tomb of Pharaoh Tutankhamun in over 3,000 years.
1922 = The Toll of the Sea debuts as the first general, wide release film to use two-tone Technicolor. (The Gulf Between was the first film to do so, but it wasn’t widely distributed.)
1942 = Casablanca, the movie starring Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman, premieres in New York City.
1978 = A Question of Love, a tv movie about lesbian lovers in a custody battle over their children, airs on ABC, complete with “parental discretion advised” warnings. Gena Rowlands and Jane Alexander star.
1989 = America’s Funniest Home Videos premieres on ABC.
2008 = Milk, directed by Gus Van Sant and written by Dustin Lance Black, is released in theaters.
HOLIDAYS + OBSERVANCES
PORTRAIT + QUOTE OF THE DAY
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”
Charles M. Schulz
Clint, Happy! I am happy to celebrate with the tastes and memories of holidays past with my Gregory. For a lot of the reasons you mentioned that made early family celebratons less than joyful. Now a days, I love myself and who I am. I love solitude. I love peace & quiet. Fondly, Michael
Thanks Clint and Tina Turner, simply the best 🏳️🌈🌈🖤🤎💜🎶😁🌹😱