Around the turn of the millennium, two pop culture masterpieces entered my life:
“Samantha Jones” from HBO’s Sex and the City
“The Bad Touch” by Bloodhound Gang
Somehow, they’ve both been living rent-free in my head for over twenty-five years.
One taught me about friendships, relationships, and situationships.
The other taught me that "you and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals."
Honestly? They’ve both aged better than I expected. (Maybe I have too?)
Back then, while channeling my inner Samantha, I saw "The Bad Touch" as a dumb, catchy anthem for horny frat boys.
In 2026, I hear it differently. Beneath the innuendo and silliness, the song accidentally stumbled onto something true. Not about monkey noises. But about touching.
Over the last couple of years, as I've crawled out of anxiety, depression, grief, and my Captain Caveman era, I've learned something I wish we talked about a lot more:
Human touch is magical as fuck!
It’s not necessarily sexual. And it’s not necessarily not sexual. It’s just…human.
A hug after a hard day
Holding hands crossing the street
A reassuring hand on your shoulder
Falling asleep with your head on someone's chest
I can't speak for everyone, but my entire body melts at the very thought of being touched by someone I like, respect, and trust.
My stress melts away. My blood pressure drops. My nervous system finally stops acting like it's being hunted by velociraptors.
For me, touch is basically a biological fast charger. Unfortunately, somewhere along the way, too many have made touch complicated and weird. Some have convinced themselves every cuddle is foreplay to fucking and every display of affection deserves a relationship status update on social media.
No thanks.
Sometimes a cuddle is just a cuddle.
Sometimes it’s foreplay.
Sometimes it’s “therapy” with pillows.
Sometimes it’s all of the above at the same time.
As for me? Hi. My name is Clint, and I'm a cuddle addict. But I don’t think I need a twelve-step program for it. Yet anyway. Give me a comfy couch, a soft blanket, a good movie, and a good man I like, respect, and trust, and I’m beyond a happy camper.
Cue Samantha Jones casually sipping a cosmopolitan: “Honey...why stop at one?”
Clutch your pearls if you must, gurrrls. But some of my favorite memories involve what can only be described as cuddle puddles. Friends with benefits. Lovers. Boyfriends. Partners. We'd watch movies, talk for hours, laugh until our stomachs hurt, or accidentally fall asleep like a pile of sleepy puppies.
Sometimes sex happened. Sometimes it didn’t. The point wasn’t the destination. The point was feeling close to people I cared about. Safe, comfortable, and connected too.
And that’s the part I think we’ve forgotten: Touch doesn’t always have to lead somewhere. Sometimes the destination is the touch.
The older I get, the more I appreciate affection for affection's sake. Maybe that's because life has kicked my ass enough to remind me what really matters. Or maybe I've simply become Samantha with a slightly mellower libido and fewer stilettos. Probably both.
Either way, I have zero interest in pretending that healthy, consensual touch is somehow embarrassing. In a world that often feels lonely, disconnected, and glued to our screens, it might be one of the most healing things we can offer one another.
So yes, I’ll probably keep humming “The Bad Touch” for the rest of my life.
Only now, I hear it differently.
The song isn’t really about sex.
At least not for me anymore.
It’s become a reminder that we were never meant to navigate this life untouched.
And with the right people, a little trust, and enthusiastic consent...”the bad touch” turns out to be one of the very best parts of being human.
Keep calm and cuddle on!
Clint 🌈✌️
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FROM THE ARCHIVES
NSFW MONTAGES = On Substack
SFW MONTAGES = On YouTube
BORN THIS WAY ON THIS DAY
07-20 = Paul Fasana (1933-2021) = American librarian and archivist 🌈
07-20 = Randal Kleiser (1946- ) = American filmmaker 🌈
07-20 = Roberta Achtenberg (1950- ) = American attorney and activist 🌈
07-20 = Rokas Žilinskas (1972-2017) = Lithuanian journalist and politician 🌈
MAN CRUSH OF THE DAY
“Optimists are usually wrong. But all the great change in history, positive change, was done by optimists.”
Thomas Friedman
Clint, Fun! I wonder why “Samantha Jones” from HBO’s Sex and the City was not part of the future series. Fondly, Michael
🌹🌖 I'm basically trying to get caught up tonight on your posts. five of them seem to have disappeared so I had to go back to your site to figure out where I was. I think my membership is paid up for a while. pretty soon I'll be losing control of my own finances . the person I wanted to take control is too upset right now.🌈🏳️🌈