Seeing Queerly = On Habits

The Good + The Bad + The Ugh-ly

Photo by Fotos on Unsplash

On my way home from the courthouse yesterday—where I got my summons reprinted and was promptly told I wasn’t needed—I decided to take advantage of being out and about to run a few errands.

One of those errands was stopping by my doctor’s office to follow up on some recent tests and refill a couple of prescriptions.

Since getting an appointment there is like pulling teeth—their main phone number rarely gets answered and messages almost never get returned—I’ve decided I am officially a walk-in patient from now on. I’ll make follow-up appointments in person, but otherwise…I’m done with their call center and phone tree bullshit.

While I knew I’d have to wait, I didn’t consider that my doctor might have the day off. Oops. Lucky for me, the front desk suggested I see another doctor, which felt mildly annoying but still better than waiting weeks for an appointment. So I sat. And waited. And eventually got called in.

What I expected to be a routine check-in and follow-up turned into a heart-to-heart conversation with a smart, thoughtful doctor about the habits that help us, the habits that hurt us, and the habits we like to pretend aren’t habits at all. Even though deep down, we all know better.

The timing of this conversation couldn’t have been better, because I started reading The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg over the weekend. The book breaks down habits into three parts—cue, routine, reward—and shows how much of our daily lives run on autopilot.

THE POWER OF HABIT BY CHARLES DUHIGG

As the doctor and I talked, I started to see my own habits more clearly. Some of them genuinely support me. Others quietly trip me up. And a few do both at the same time, depending on the day and my mood.

Take my phone, for instance. The cue is waking up, that moment between dreaming and daylight. The routine is reaching for it before my eyes even learn to focus. And the reward is anyone’s guess: A flicker of distraction? A dose of dopamine? A momentary escape from whatever is waiting for me that day?

The same goes with skipping breakfast: Caffeine is a quicker route to feeling more ready for the world. Or slipping down digital rabbit holes whenever I feel anxious.

Little loops. Little patterns. Tiny constellations of habits I trace without even thinking.

But there are some good loops, too. The habits I’ve built slowly and intentionally: early-morning drives, Studio Saturdays, eating something green at least once a day, checking in with my creative self before the world barges in. None of those were accidents. I created them. I repeated them. I helped them take root.

Talking to the doctor—and reading Duhigg’s reminders—helped me remember that habits aren’t moral judgments. They’re simply patterns. Patterns can be changed. They can be swapped out, adjusted, strengthened, or completely redesigned.

Which is good timing, because this chapter of life has shaken up all my routines like a snow globe. New apartment. New rhythms. New everything. I’ve let convenience pick too many of my habits lately instead of choosing the ones that actually help me feel grounded, focused, and human.

LIFE IS LIKE A SNOW GLOBE

So here’s what I’m taking with me: no habit is too small to matter. And you don’t need a dramatic reinvention to start shifting things. One tiny change can create a new loop. One new loop can open a little space. And that space can build momentum.

As Duhigg says, habits aren’t destiny. They’re choices we practice.

So I’m practicing better ones. A few calmer mornings. A few healthier routines. A few kinder ways of being with myself. And maybe fewer habits that turn me into a gremlin morning, noon, and/or night.

Here’s to rebuilding routines that actually serve us, letting go of the ones that don’t, and remembering we can start fresh any time we want—today, tonight, tomorrow morning, or whenever we’re ready to nudge ourselves toward a life that feels a little lighter, a little clearer, and a whole lot more intentional.

Keep calm and habit on!
Clint 🌈✌️

P.S. If you’ve read The Power of Habit, feel free to send me your favorite takeaways. And if you haven’t, consider this your invitation. It’s already rewiring a few things in my brain, and I’m only a few chapters in.

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ON THIS DAY = NOVEMBER 18

BIRTHDAYS

• 1787 = Louis Daguerre = French artist, photographer and inventor

• 1836 = W. S. Gilbert = English playwright, poet, and illustrator

• 1872 = Edward Marsh = British polymath 🌈

• 1906 = Klaus Mann = German writer and critic 🌈

• 1908 = Imogene Coca = American actor, comedian, and singer

• 1909 = Johnny Mercer = American singer-songwriter, producer, and Capitol Records co-founder

• 1923 = Alan Shepard = American astronaut

• 1939 = Amanda Lear = Hong Kong-French singer-songwriter and actor

• 1939 = Brenda Vaccaro = American actor

• 1939 = Margaret Atwood = Canadian author

• 1942 = Linda Evans = American actor

• 1942 = Susan Sullivan = American actor

• 1944 = Jackie Goldberg = American politician and activist 🌈

• 1944 = Wolfgang Joop = German fashion designer 🌈

• 1947 = Jameson Parker = American actor

• 1952 = Delroy Lindo = English-American actor and director

• 1960 = Elizabeth Perkins = American actor

• 1960 = Kim Wilde = English singer-songwriter

• 1968 = Owen Wilson = American actor

• 1969 = Duncan Sheik = American singer-songwriter and composer

• 1970 = Mike Epps = American actor and comedian

• 1982 = Damon Wayans Jr. = American actor and comedian

• 1985 = Christian Siriano = American fashion designer 🌈

EVENTS

• 1928 = Steamboat Willie, the first synchronized sound cartoon, is released.

• 1963 = The first push-button telephone goes into service.

• 1983 = A Christmas Story is released in theaters.

HOLIDAYS + OBSERVANCES

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PORTRAIT + QUOTE OF THE DAY

CHRISTIAN SIRIANO

“You can wear whatever, be whatever, do whatever you want.”
Christian Siriano