One Size Does Not Fit All
What Works For Me May Not Work For You
After nearly a decade off the “dating” apps—no Grindr, no Growlr, no Scruff—I recently logged back on. This time in search of new friends, fun, and/or romance.
Worst-case scenario? I spend time chatting and making new friends—with or without benefits—along the way. Not so bad, huh?
Best-case scenario? I find someone I want to date and mate with. Uh HUH!
Somewhere in the horny middle? I reconnect with guys I met years ago. 😎
If you haven’t had the “pleasure” of using the “dating” apps, let me paint you a fairly realistic picture:
For those of us who didn’t hit the genetic lottery or spend most of our waking hours in the gym, the apps involve luck…and patience. Why? Because most messages don’t go anywhere, if they’re answered at all. Some guys are playing mind games or wasting everyone’s time. There are usually more tricks than treats and more ghosts, ghouls, and goblins than at a haunted house.
Despite all those pitfalls and pratfalls, I still enjoy meeting guys through the apps. The diamonds in the rough. The good guys who keep on trucking no matter what.
For the record, most of my exes aren’t from Texas. I met them—and many of my chosen family and friends—via the Internet. Mostly on “dating” apps and “social” media platforms.
Looking back, I’ve been making friends (and influencing people?) online since 1995. On AOL. And just in case you don’t remember connecting via 56Kbps modems, here is a reminder of what that was like:
For some, the internet may still seem like a strange place to meet potential dates and mates. But for the rest of us, it’s been a way of life for decades.
That said, even the most experienced among us could use a reminder about how life and love work. Whether we’re talking about creative work, professional relationships, or the rocky roads of love:
ONE SIZE DOES NOT FIT ALL.
Because we’re messy, emotional, complicated, curious, inconsistent, adaptive creatures, what works brilliantly for one person might totally derail another.
That “perfect morning routine” everyone on YouTube swears by? It might leave you exhausted by 10 a.m. That productivity app with thousands of positive reviews? It might just cause you anxiety attack.
What about the “never break the chain” set of life hacks and ”rules”? Sometimes you have to break the chain—and to get out of your comfort zone.
That’s not failure. That’s being alive.
GUIDELINES ≠ GOSPEL
We’ve all seen them—guidelines, rules, best practices, five-step systems, and life hacks. In a world obsessed with optimization and efficiency, these one-size-fits-all solutions are everywhere, promising success, balance, or even inner peace. Some even think these rules apply to the “dating” apps…
Rules are meant to guide, not govern.
They’re blueprints, not prisons.
The truth is, there’s enormous power in tailoring your approach to your own needs, energy levels, values, and rhythms. Yes, learn from others. Take the course. Read the manual. Watch the tutorial. But don’t stop there. Pause. Reflect.
And then ask yourself, “Does this actually work for me?” If it doesn’t, it’s not your fault. And it’s not a moral failing. It just means it’s time to adapt—or ignore—that rule.
THE HUMAN ELEMENT
Being human means we’re not machines. We’re not algorithms. We don’t always wake up the same way, feel the same way, or create at the same level. Our seasons shift. Our capacity changes. Our needs evolve.
So instead of shaming ourselves when we can’t stick to the plan, maybe it’s time to rewrite the plan—with our humanity at the center.
Start with flexibility.
Start with grace.
Start with curiosity.
That’s where real growth happens—not in perfect adherence to unrealistic rules and guidelines, but in thoughtful adjustments that take our wants, needs, and desires into consideration.
FINAL THOUGHTS
So yes—guidelines can be good. But being human is always better.
Let’s stop measuring ourselves against rigid systems that don’t allow for life, love, or lunch breaks. Let’s trust that our own voice, our own rhythm, and our own inner compass matter just as much—if not more—than any book of “rules.”
One size does not fit all.
Never did. Never will.
Best wishes for peace, love, and happiness!
Clint 🌈✌️
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Receiving Is A Skill - The Emotions Diary #25 (
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ON THIS DAY = MAY 15
BIRTHDAYS
1689 = Lady Mary Wortley Montagu = English aristocrat and writer 🌈
1842 = Archduke Ludwig Viktor Of Austria = Austrian royal 🌈
1856 = L. Frank Baum = American novelist
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1918 = Eddy Arnold = American singer-songwriter
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1937 = Madeleine Albright = Czech-American politician and diplomat
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1957 = Kevin Von Erich = American football player and wrestler
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EVENTS
1817 = Opening of the first private mental health hospital in the United States, the Asylum for the Relief of Persons Deprived of the Use of Their Reason (now Friends Hospital, Philadelphia, PA).
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1940 = Richard and Maurice McDonald open the first McDonald's restaurant.
1958 = Gigi, directed by Vincente Minnelli, is released in theaters.
1985 = Prince’s “Raspberry Beret” is released as a single.
2008 = California becomes the second U.S. state after Massachusetts in 2004 to legalize same-sex marriage after the state's own Supreme Court rules a previous ban unconstitutional.
HOLIDAYS + OBSERVANCES
PORTRAIT + QUOTES OF THE DAY
“Painting, I think it's like jazz.”
Brian Eno
“You either believe that people respond to authority, or that they respond to kindness and inclusion. I'm obviously in the latter camp. I think that people respond better to reward than punishment.”
Brian Eno
Nice read. As an older guy finding myself suddenly single I turned to the internet and modern technology to find friends and fun. For the most part it worked well after a few stumbles out of the starting gate. It worked in connectiong with those who became friends and finding a couple of organizations for men that helped me connect with those who enjoy naturism and nudism. Your point is well made, there are a lot of different ways to connect with others.
I feel that this is a good move for you. I have in the past wanted to find a soulmate or lover but I never felt that a lonely hearts club, dating site or whatever would help me. Happenstance, serendipity or everyday magic have brought others into my life.