Men (+ More) In The Mirrors
Reflections On Identities + Labels
On this day in 1988, Michael Jackson released “Man in the Mirror.” I wasn’t a big MJ fan, but the song—and message—caught my attention.
I was deep in the throes of puberty and deep in denial about who I was—a boy (not yet a man) secretly in puppy love with a classmate. Another boy.
Like a lot of teenagers, I spent a ridiculous amount of time looking in the mirror. When I wasn’t fighting acne, I was at war with myself…mostly about my sexuality and what that said about my ability to “man up” in a world that felt determined to kick me in the balls at every turn.
In today’s vernacular, I was having a full-blown identity crisis. At 16.
The song helped me to see that even the “King of Pop” was too.
Taunted and teased since I was a wee lad for being a overly-sensitive sissy, few were that surprised when I eventually came out a few years later. “Gay” seemed to explain all my fey tendencies away. So why didn’t the identity crisis magically disappear?
Probably because I still thought of myself as a boy. And I wasn’t sure how to become a man. Some days, I’m still not sure I ever have—or ever will.
So when I hear and see attacks on people about their identity—whether it’s gender or sexuality—I feel an overwhelming urge to hug them. “You too, boo?” At the same time, I also want to protect them from haters and trolls with every ounce of my being.
And trust me, I’ve got more ounces than some 7-Elevens have Big Gulps.
The fact is most of the world’s population is heteronormative. But some of us “color” outside those heteronormative lines. If you’re reading this, chances are you do too.
Some of us “color” loudly and proudly.
Others prefer to “color” more cautiously.
Different strokes. Sometimes different crayons, too.
If you struggle to understand why some choose identities and/or pronouns that don’t match their birth certificates, I highly recommend you watch Nathan Emery’s honest, thoughtful video.
Nathan’s story resonated with and touched me deeply.
If I’d had the same awareness—and vocabulary—back in 1988 that we have in 2025, I might choose non-binary—and they/them—to describe myself too.
As much as I love being gay—and all the eye candy that comes with it—my inner child remains a dandy who doesn’t accept or understand toxic masculinity or toxic men.
That said, I’m an old dog who doesn’t feel the need to adopt a new gender identity. Any pronouns work for me personally. (“Hey gurrrl hey” is a fave.)
Call me anything but “late for dinner.”
Though I’d be careful of how you call me.
In other words, don’t take my kindness for weakness….
Sadly, personal experiences and expressions of gender and/or sexual identity have become fodder for political bigots, bullies and opportunists. The man in my mirror urges you to stand up to them and make it a difference, for yourself and others.
However you identify or present, whatever your gender, pronouns, or sexuality, I wish you much love and light…today and always.
Thanks for reading!
Clint 🌈✌️
ON THIS DAY = JANUARY 16
BIRTHDAYS
1887 = George Kelly = American writer, director, and actor 🌈
1909 = Clement Greenberg = American art critic (d. 1994)
1908 = Ethel Merman = American actor and singer
1921 = Francesco Scavullo = American photographer 🌈
1932 = Dian Fossey = American zoologist and anthropologist
1933 = Susan Sontag = American writer and critic 🌈
1943 = Ronnie Milsap = American singer and pianist
1948 = John Carpenter = American filmmaker and composer
1952 = Julie Anne Peters = American writer 🌈
1959 = Sade = Nigerian-English singer-songwriter
1974 = Kate Moss = English model and fashion designer
1979 = Aaliyah = American singer and actor
1980 = Lin-Manuel Miranda = American actor, playwright, and composer
EVENTS = HIGHLIGHTS
1412 = The Medici Bank is appointed official bank of the Papacy.
1605 = The first edition of El ingenioso hidalgo Don Quijote de la Mancha (Book One of Don Quixote) by Miguel de Cervantes is published.
1901 = NYC politician Murray Hall dies of cancer. A poker-playing, whiskey-drinking man-about-town, after his death, the fact that he was biologically female is revealed by the coroner. At the time of his death, he resided with his second wife and their adopted daughter.
1964 = LA night club and music venue Whiskey A-Go-Go opens on Sunset Blvd.
1988 = Michael Jackson releases “Man in the Mirror” as a single.
2001 = US President Bill Clinton awards former President Theodore Roosevelt a posthumous Medal of Honor for his service in the Spanish–American War.
HOLIDAYS + OBSERVANCES
PHOTO + QUOTES OF THE DAY
“I was born in my parents' bedroom on January 16. The World Almanac says it was 1909. I say it was 1912. But what difference does it make as long as I feel 33?”
Ethel Merman
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I adopted the idea that "All men are sisters under the skin". Yes, it is a challenge to toxic masculinity but, as I have minors in psysiology and biochemistry, I know that the mammalian foetus (fetus for those who prefer similified spellings) is entirely female from conception until many weeks later the ovaries in an XY offspring become testes, the clitoris becomes a little penis, the labia fuse to become a scrotum and so on. We already have nopples so we get to keep them (and they can produce milk, too). Gender is far from simply looking to see whether the genitals are innie or outie. It depemds on what definition people give to being a man, whether I classify myself as a man or not. My ME-NESS transcends other people's definitions of sex and gender. I am psychologically androgynous. Physically, I am an old man quickly approaching 80, lost muscle tone, lower stamina, less fine coordination and quite likely to stumble and fall on uneven or slippery surfaces.
Hey gurrl hey, love this!