Making Friends + Influencing People

Why Some Become Soul Friends + Others Become Cautionary Tales

Photo by Meilisa Dwi Nurdiyanti on Unsplash

Taking a solo cruise was intended to be “just” a getaway—a chance to reset and recharge. What I didn’t expect was a refresher course in human chemistry.

Turns out, being sealed inside a floating city with thousands of strangers is the perfect social experiment for observing how quickly I gravitate toward some…and avoid others like the plague.

It reminded me of something I’ve always known but sometimes forget: we are all walking invitations. Some people invite you in. Others practically shove you out the emergency exit.

WHAT DRAWS ME IN

Like a moth to a flame, I’m drawn (primarily) to three things:

• Authentic Smiles
  The real kind. The kind that reaches the eyes and says, “I see you. And not just your outfit.” There’s a special magic in someone who looks at you—not past you.

• Casual Attitudes
  People who don’t make life harder than it needs to be. Folks who can roll with the punches—literal or metaphorical. They don’t need to dominate a room or justify their existence. They just show up and deliver (mostly) good vibes.

• Genuine Interests

  You can feel it instantly: curiosity, not comparison. Enthusiasm, not envy. They ask questions. They listen without calculating their next clever reply. They want to connect, not collect compliments.

When I run into people with these three qualities, my shoulders unclench, my armor falls, and before I know it, I’m laughing with someone I met ninety seconds ago as if we shared crayons and nap time back in kindergarten. My kind of people.

WHAT SENDS ME RUNNING

Arrogance and aloofness are my personal kryptonite. Nothing makes me want to moonwalk out of a conversation faster than:

• People who think kindness is currency and they’re charging interest.

• Human peacocks who strut but are all about the show and not about the tell.

• People who treat everything as a transaction but offer little, if anything, in return.

Some people seem to think connecting with them is a privilege you must audition for. Like they’re the casting director of their own ego-driven miniseries. Hard pass. Life is way too short to waste time on people who preach ego and spirituality while being emotionally unavailable.

Also, let’s be clear: Confidence is attractive. But arrogance? That’s confidence covered in cheap cologne—and I only need to smell one whiff before I’m gone.

REASONS + SEASONS + LIFETIMES

Here’s something few of us were told when we were young and desperate to be liked:

Not everyone we meet is meant to stay.

Yes, the following may be a cliché. But it’s repeated often on purpose:

• Some people are Reasons: They appear to teach us something—about love, boundaries, joy, or red flags disguised as charm.

• Some are Seasons: Perfect for a chapter, a cruise, a weekend, or a wild ride. They fit who we are right now, even if they don’t fit who we become.

• A sacred few are Lifetimes: You can go months (or years in my case) without speaking and pick up like no time passed. They know your history but are still excited about your future. Their presence feels like home—even when you move.

THE REAL INFLUENCE WE HAVE

Too many of us spend far too much energy trying to impress, perform, or perfect ourselves in hopes of being worthy of connection and friendship.

In my experience, the truth is much simpler—and far more gentle:

We influence others not by who we pretend to be,
but by who we are when we’re unguarded.

The people we’re meant to find—our tribes, our chosen family, our fellow weirdos—recognize us instantly. We don’t have to audition. All we have to do is show up as ourselves, consistently and kindly.

WHAT I RE-LEARNED ON THE BLISS

My solo cruise reminded me of this: Friendship isn’t about quantity.

It’s not about collecting business cards, social media followers, or acquaintances.

It’s about noticing who your soul reaches for when it’s free to choose.

Those are your people.

Find the people who feel like home. Keep them as best you can. Let those who don’t feel the same way fly. And don’t waste another minute chasing approval from people who don’t know how to appreciate you.

Life’s too short and there’s too much left to explore to travel with the wrong crew.

Thank you for being a friend!
Clint 🌈✌️

P.S. I know this post may seem hypocritical and/or ironic to some, considering I write under a pseudonym. Well, while my name may be made up, how I show up, what I create, and the stories I share are 100% authentic and from the heart. For better and for worse, I’m human. Just like you, boo.

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ON THIS DAY = DECEMBER 9

BIRTHDAYS

• 1608 = John Milton = English poet and philosopher

• 1869 = Edith Craig = British theatre director and suffragist 🌈

• 1883 = Joseph Pilates = German-American fitness expert and Pilates founder

• 1898 = Emmett Kelly = American clown and actor

• 1902 = Margaret Hamilton = American schoolteacher, actor, and voice artist

• 1905 = Dalton Trumbo = American author, screenwriter, and blacklistee

• 1909 = Douglas Fairbanks Jr. = American captain, actor, and producer

• 1916 = Kirk Douglas = American actor, singer, and producer

• 1922 = Redd Foxx = American actor

• 1928 = Dick Van Patten = American actor

• 1929 = John Cassavetes = American actor and filmmaker

• 1930 = Buck Henry = American actor, director, and screenwriter

• 1933 = Morton Downey Jr. = American actor and talk show host

• 1934 = Judi Dench = English actor

• 1941 = Beau Bridges = American actor, director, and producer

• 1945 = Michael Nouri = American actor

• 1950 = Joan Armatrading = Kittian-English singer-songwriter

• 1953 = Gilles Blanchard = French artist (Pierre et Gilles) 🌈

• 1953 = John Malkovich = American actor and producer

• 1957 = Donny Osmond = American singer-songwriter, dancer, and actor

• 1959 = Mario Cantone = American comedian, actor, and writer 🌈

• 1961 = Elvira Kurt = Canadian comedian 🌈

• 1961 = Joe Lando = American actor

• 1962 = Felicity Huffman = American actor and producer

• 1977 = Imogen Heap = English singer-songwriter

• 1978 = Jesse Metcalfe = American actor

EVENTS

• 1851 = The first YMCA in North America is established in Montreal.

• 1960 = The first episode of Coronation Street, the world’s longest-running television soap opera, is broadcast in the UK.

• 1965 = A Charlie Brown Christmas premieres on CBS.

• 1983 = Scarface is released in theaters.

• 2005 = Brokeback Mountain is released in theaters.

• 2017 = The Marriage Amendment Bill receives royal assent and comes into effect, making Australia the 26th country to legalize same-sex marriage.

HOLIDAYS + OBSERVANCES

• Christmas Card Day

• International Anti-Corruption Day

• National Pastry Day

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PORTRAIT + QUOTE OF THE DAY

JOHN MILTON

“Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world.”
John Milton