Making Childhood Dreams Come True

Plus...Celebrating 500+ Subscribers!

If you’re new to the Collide Press Crew, THANK YOU for subscribing and welcome!

To celebrate reaching 500 SUBSCRIBERS (and a growing number of paid patrons), I thought it would be a good time to reintroduce myself and share my creative and personal journey…so far.

Hi, I’m Clint. I’m a creative. I’m a gay/LGBTQ+/queer creative guy. This is my story:

PROLOGUE

Life is a winding road. As are creativity and sexuality.

For me, creativity and sexuality are interconnected and intertwined as a My Own Private Idaho version of the “chicken and the egg.” Speaking of My Own Private Idaho, here’s a scene from that 1991 arthouse film that I’ve been thinking about A LOT lately.

EARLY PAST

Like the Del Shores play, I grew up a Southern Baptist Sissy.

After quickly leaving the religious part of the equation, I was left with lots of sass and too much sensitivity. “Bless your heart” was (and sometimes still is) served with every backhanded comment and compliment.

Even as a kid, I liked to make art. I colored and drew and traced and made slideshows. Eventually, I took photos and made videos. But I usually did them my way and on my terms. I never liked reading instruction manuals or being told what to do.

Some things change, but many do not. I’m sure you can relate.

As a Southern Baptist Sissy, I was bullied by some of the best. As one of the biggest kids in my class, I learned to return the favor…and beat the bullies (up) at their own game more times than I can count.

I never liked to fight. My dad raised me to never start a fight. But to always end them. By any means necessary. No questions asked, he had my back. Old school.

There were bumps, there were bruises, and there was occasionally even some blood. But I never got in (much) trouble for defending myself. Thankfully, my teachers and school staff saw me defending myself and never punished me for it. (These adults also never stepped in to prevent any of the bullying or fights from happening, by the way…humans.)

One of my earliest real-life crushes was on my middle-school art teacher.

Not only was he one of the best teachers I ever had, he was one of the best-looking “old guys” I had ever seen. Mind you, I was ~13 and he was ~30.

But the combination of art, beauty, and tender masculinity made quite an impression on little Clint. So did his blonde hair, thick mustache, and light-brown eyes.

NOT MY ART TEACHER, BUT HOW I SAW HIM

Throughout high school and college, I developed a love-hate relationship with both my creativity and sexuality. This was the late-80s and early-90s after all. Fitting in (and not getting AIDS) were all the rage.

Too many of my gay creative heroes had died. Artists like Freddie Mercury and Keith Haring. I wanted to be like them in so many ways. Except for one: I didn’t want to die. But I wasn’t sure how to live either.

So I ended up staying in the closet as both a creative and a gay man until after I graduated college. Mostly.

If you saw my school transcripts—full of art, creative writing, and radio/tv/film classes and courses—you could have probably guessed. Not that I lied to anyone. I just lived my life in plain sight. And being a virgin until I was 21, there wasn’t much to tell.

By 22, I had plenty to tell…but I was too busy living. Long story short, after college, I lived a creative (and sexual) life that brought me a lot of joy. And a few heartbreaks.

Skipping over the romantic/sexual stuff, my forays into creative (and screen) writing dragged on for years. But my writing eventually withered on the vine, replaced by a renewed focus on art, design, photos, and videos. I also love learning about the art and world history.

My focus has pivoted and shifted several times over the years, but has remained fairly consistent: I like to mix art (and commerce) with sexuality.

I think in pictures first. Then the sassy, sensitive commentary kicks in.

RECENT PAST-PRESENT

After too many disappointing corporate jobs and freelance projects, a couple of years ago, I started working with some friends under the banner Collide Press. Together, we made original art and design, primarily with LGBTQ themes.

While never as successful as we had hoped, working collaboratively helped reconnect with my creativity (after some personal and professional setbacks), and I originally set up a YouTube channel to promote the Shop.

Few saw those early promos, but after more than a decade I was making videos again.

It wasn’t until I posted a vintage photo montage that Collide Press changed course. This little video, posted just six months ago, turned my creative life upside down.

A month or so after posting (and forgetting about) the video, I noticed a flood of emails in my “social” folder:

Hundreds of new subscribers to my YouTube channel?! Notice the “my” distinction.

The art friends I had started Collide Press with weren’t interested in being active on social media OR YouTube. They just wanted to make art. Respect. But there was always a part of me, as a kind, that had dreamed of running his own tv channel.

And here was my chance. To date, that short little video has over 125K+ views and remains the most popular video I’ve made. So far. It also helped me get monetized and encouraged me to make more (and more) videos, focused on the vintage photos and LGBTQ+ points-of-view.

CLINT THE KID = MY NEW A-MUSE-ING AVATAR

Long story short, about the time YouTube was picking up, most of the original Collide Press Crew moved on to work on other projects. Eventually, the art collective became a one-man band: Me, myself, and I.

Today, I continue to finding new and creative ways to make Collide Press the art project of my childhood dreams: One that combines my love for art, design, history, photos, videos, AND writing. It’s not always easy—or easy to understand—but I keep on keeping on. Mostly.

While Clint The Kid is living his dream, this isn’t Clint The Elder’s first rodeo.

So I’m more than a little nervous of getting gored by the “bull” again.
The “bull” in this rodeo ring is YouTube.

Between you and me, YouTube can be a great platform to start, but it can also be one of the worst platforms to stick with. With ads, bots, and censorship on the platform at an all-time high, their 45% cut of revenue may make Google AdSense, but it doesn’t make actual sense. But I knew what I was signing up for when I joined. Mostly.

While I plan to continue posting on YouTube, my passion for the platform has soured recently. After two “community guideline” strikes in two months—over external links—resulted in three weeks of forced “breaks” from the platform, I’m still recovering from the creative and financial setbacks. Thankfully, Substack has helped save the day….

FUTURE

With YouTube treating creators like both children and criminals, Substack has not only become my creative home base, it’s also become (by far) my platform of choice.

Substack does what I need it to do, has common sense content guidelines, and isn’t focused on ads, bots, and censorship. While I don’t love all the newish “social media” features, they are starting to grow on me. In ways Meta-Static could only dream of.

So, for me (today) anyway, the future is…in order of priority:

• SUBSTACK > SHOP > YOUTUBE

SUBSTACK = THE LITTLE ENGINE THAT COULD!

None of this would have been possible without the art. It was the start. Then YouTube started click. But now, Substack allows me to explore more than just vintage men and “The Male Gayze.” Nothing that there’s anything wrong with either, but I’m interested in lots of other things too.

I hope you’ll allow me to explore and grow as a creative. I hope you’ll share some of your own creativity and experiences. I want Collide Press to be a place where adults can share their inspirations and rekindle their passions. We don’t all have to like the same things in order to cheer each other on either. We don’t even have to agree on anything but one thing: Be Kind…Or Rewind (Elsewhere).

For most of you, I’m a stranger on the internet. And while I want to remain a stranger on the internet (behind the scenes, I’m a shy guy…and prefer to remain private), I also want to encourage others to live more creative and loving lives.

We live in a world turned upside down by legacy media and social media. One of the most wonderful things I’ve experienced is seeing my little artsy-fartsy “MANtages” (as one commenter on YouTube called them…love it!) is they remind many folks of our collective histories and humanities.

For some, they help reintroduce the idea that being a “man” doesn’t have to be toxic. Throughout history, tender masculinity has always flourished.

So has coloring outside the lines.

Like, loathe, or love him, this quote by singer-songwriter John Mayer speaks to me:

“Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8 color boxes, but what you're really looking for are the 64 color boxes with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64 color box, though I've got a few missing. It's okay though, because I've got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle at my disposal. I have a bit of a problem though in that I can only meet the 8 color boxes. Does anyone else have that problem? I mean there are so many different colors of life, of feeling, of articulation. So when I meet someone who's an 8 color type...I'm like, hey girl, Magenta! and she's like, oh, you mean purple! and she goes off on her purple thing, and I'm like, no I want Magenta!”

Don’t forget to count your colors…and then use however many you have. Today.

Thanks for being part of the Collide Press Crew!
Clint

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