Love + Light Never Go Out Of Style

But Not All Relationships Are Meant To Last

BY AKRAM ZAATARI

The older I get, the more convinced I am that life is an endless game of emotional interior decorating. Every so often, I look around my life and think, “This room could use a little more light.”

The last few years have reminded me that life is too short to spend sitting in the dark.

Fear has a way of moving in uninvited. Fear of getting sick. Fear of losing the people we love. Fear of whatever tomorrow may hold. It can be loud and relentless, like the peacocks that wander my neighborhood, screaming as if the whole world needs to hear them.

Thankfully, fear isn't the only voice around here.

Love has always been here too. It doesn't need to squawk. It speaks with a quieter kind of truth.

Love shows up with casseroles and at coffee shops. It sends random texts that simply say, "Thinking about you." It remembers birthdays without Facebook's help. It offers hugs, laughter, terrible puns, and shoulders to cry on.

Love lets the light back in.

The older I get, the more I realize I need a lot more of that kind of light in my life.

That realization has changed the way I think about relationships.

For years, I assumed loving someone meant hanging in there indefinitely. I believed loyalty, no matter what, required endless patience. That if I just extended enough grace, enough understanding, enough second chances, everything would eventually work itself out.

Sometimes it does. Sometimes...it doesn't.

Lately, I've been thinking about friendships as emotional bank accounts. Every conversation is either making a deposit or a withdrawal. Every thoughtful gesture adds to the balance. Every broken promise takes a little away. Every time someone checks in, remembers what you're going through, celebrates your victories, or simply does what they said they'd do, they're making another deposit.

Healthy relationships don't require perfect bookkeeping. Sometimes life gets messy and things get all lopsided.

When someone is grieving, sick, overwhelmed, or barely keeping their head above water, the other person naturally carries a little more of the weight.

That’s not keeping score. What’s compassion.

But healthy relationships eventually find their balance and rhythm again.

They breathe. They ebb and flow. Sometimes it's give and take. Sometimes it's take and give. Sometimes it's simply give and give. Over time, everyone benefits and contributes. No one keeps score because no one has to.

For me, the trouble starts when one person only seems interested in making withdrawals. They stop showing up. They stop keeping their word. They expect grace, patience, forgiveness, and understanding, but rarely offer those same gifts in return.

Eventually, the emotional bank account becomes overdrawn.

And no relationship can survive endless withdrawals without an occasional deposit.

Recently, I lost a friendship after I finally called an old colleague out for being a flake. He was surprised I'd bring up something he considered "trivial." For the record, my time isn’t trivial. And it’s no one’s to waste but my own.

Long story shorter, affection without reliability eventually becomes disappointment. And love without reciprocity becomes exhaustion.

You can love someone with your whole heart and still recognize they’re no longer capable or willing to be the kind of family member, friend, or even lover you need.

That’s a painful realization. It’s also a freeing one.

One of the unexpected gifts of getting older is realizing that not every relationship is supposed to last forever.

Some people stay for a lifetime. Some stay for a chapter. Some arrive to teach us how to open our hearts. Others teach us where healthy boundaries belong. All lessons are valuable.

I don’t regret loving people freely and generously. I hope I never become cynical or stingy with my affections. I’d much rather risk caring too much than not enough.

But I’ve also learned that generosity without boundaries isn’t kindness. It’s burnout.

These days, I’m trying to invest my time, energy, and love where there’s mutual effort. With the people who answer the phone. Who show up when they say they will. Who celebrate my victories as much as I celebrate theirs. Who ask how I’m doing and actually care about the answer.

Because here’s what I know after everything the last few years have thrown my way:

• Fear will always exist. Darkness will always exist.

• But love and light never go out of style.

And sometimes the most loving thing we can do isn’t clinging to relationships that have run their course.

Sometimes it’s thanking someone for the part they played in our story, wishing them well, and leaving the porch light on for the people who know how to bring a little more light than darkness into our lives.

I’m finding that life is a whole lot brighter and lighter this way.

Keep calm and love on!
Clint 🌈✌️

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BORN THIS WAY ON THIS DAY

• 08-06 = Andy Warhol (1928-1987) = American artist, photographer, filmmaker, and publisher 🌈

• 08-06 = Carole Pope (1950- ) = Canadian rock singer-songwriter 🌈

• 08-06 = Howard Hodgkin (1932-2017) = British artist 🌈

• 08-06 = Jess Collins (1923-2004) = American artist 🌈

• 08-06 = Jim McGreevey (1957- ) = American seminarian and politician 🌈

• 08-06 = Martin Duberman (1930- ) = American historian, biographer, and playwright 🌈

• 08-06 = Paul Bartel (1938-2000) = American actor, writer, and director 🌈

• 08-06 = Steve Endean (1948-1993) = American activist and HRC founder 🌈

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MAN CRUSH OF THE DAY

ANDY WARHOL

“There should be a course in the first grade on love.”
Andy Warhol