Life Is Wild + Wild Is Life

Getting Nutty With Wildlife

Photo by Andrey Svistunov

Last night, on my drive home, I nearly hit a goose, a coyote, and a skunk.

No, not all at once—that would’ve been apocalyptic. But over the course of about 20 minutes, the three close calls reminded me that I don’t exactly love driving after dark.

The goose froze in the middle of oncoming traffic, a textbook deer-in-the-headlights move. The coyote scurried across an eight-lane road, shooting me a look of pure disdain. And the skunk? I gave that one a wide berth. I’d rather be late than smell like Pepé Le Pew all weekend.

I was coming back from a friend’s house, where I’d just watched my first baseball game in years. Yes, watched. Willingly. In case it’s not obvious: I’m not a sports person. But some of my nearest and dearest are, so occasionally I play along.

Honestly, if it weren’t for the fine physiques in form-fitting uniforms, I’d rather have a V8—and I hate tomato juice.

To me, baseball feels like a slow, patriotic nap disguised as a sport. So much spitting. So much standing around. So many grown men in tight pants grabbing, hitting, and throwing balls while fans scream like winning is a matter of life and death. Frankly, my dears and queers, I just don’t get it...or give a damn. No matter how much I try.

But enough about America’s “favorite” pastime and back to the animals.

This morning, as if the universe wanted to double down on the wildlife theme, I woke up to what I thought was someone trying to break into my house. Only to discover it was just...a squirrel orgy on my front porch. I chased at least half a dozen away with the help of a broom. Loud little fuckers…

But then I remembered: we’re all just animals, squirrel friends trying to get our nut(s).

“You and me, baby, ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel…”
”The Bad Touch” by Bloodhound Gang
Written by Jimmy Pop

First and foremost, we are animals. Feral creatures driven by blood, hormones, and instinct. No matter how much we dress it up with jobs, hobbies, or brunch plans, beneath it all—we’re all basically the same. The only real difference between me and the squirrels is that I have rent to pay and have a fondness for bearded bearish guys.

I don’t love wild animals playing in traffic. Or fucking so loud they wake me up. But wildlife doesn’t care about our preferences.

Life is wild. And wild is life.
It’s messy, loud, and primal.

So the next time you’re annoyed by the chaos of the “real” world—a baseball game that drags on, near-collisions with wildlife, or squirrel sex at 4am—try to remember: we’re not up above it. We’re down in it.

Keep calm and carry on!
Clint 🌈✌️

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NEW + FEATURED

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ON THIS DAY = MAY 31

BIRTHDAYS

• 1819 = Walt Whitman = American poet, essayist and journalist 🌈

• 1894 = Fred Allen = American comedian, radio host, and game show panelist

• 1898 = Norman Vincent Peale = American minister and author

• 1908 = Don Ameche = American actor

• 1921 = Andrew Grima = Anglo-Italian jewellery designer

• 1922 = Denholm Elliott = English-Spanish actor 🌈

• 1923 = Ellsworth Kelly = American painter and sculptor 🌈

• 1923 = Rainier III = Prince of Monaco

• 1930 = Clint Eastwood = American actor and filmmaker

• 1938 = Johnny Paycheck = American singer-songwriter

• 1938 = Peter Yarrow = American singer-songwriter

• 1943 = Joe Namath = American football player, sportscaster, and actor

• 1943 = Sharon Gless = American actor

• 1945 = Rainer Werner Fassbinder = German filmmaker 🌈

• 1948 = John Bonham = English musician and songwriter

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• 1950 = Gregory Harrison = American actor

• 1950 = Jean Chalopin = French filmmaker and DIC Entertainment founder

• 1954 = Lissy Gröner = German politician 🌈

• 1954 = Vicki Sue Robinson = American actor and singer

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• 1960 = Chris Elliott = American actor, comedian, and screenwriter

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• 1962 = Corey Hart = Canadian singer-songwriter

• 1964 = Darryl "D.M.C." McDaniels = American rapper and producer

• 1965 = Brooke Shields = American model, actor, and producer

• 1976 = Colin Farrell = Irish actor

• 1977 = Eric Christian Olsen = American actor, writer, and producer

EVENTS

• 1790 = The US enacts its first copyright statute, the Copyright Act of 1790.

• 1859 = The clock tower at the Houses of Parliament, which houses Big Ben, starts keeping time.

• 1879 = Gilmore's Garden in New York City is renamed Madison Square Garden by William Henry Vanderbilt and is opened to the public.

• 1909 = The National Negro Committee, forerunner to the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP), convenes for the first time.

• 1911 = The RMS Titanic is launched in Belfast, Northern Ireland.

• 1921 = The Tulsa race massacre kills at least 39, but other estimates of black fatalities vary from 55 to about 300.

• 2005 = Vanity Fair reveals that Mark Felt was "Deep Throat.”

HOLIDAYS + OBSERVANCES

• National Save Your Hearing Day

• National Smile Day

• World No Tobacco Day

PORTRAIT + QUOTES OF THE DAY

“Resist much, obey little.”
Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass

“Whoever you are, now I place my hand upon you, that you be my poem,
I whisper with my lips close to your ear,
I have loved many women and men, but I love none better than you.
Walt Whitman, “To You”

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