Ladies First...

I'm A Lover...Not A Hater

Photo by Thanh Duc PHAN on Unsplash

Since launching my YouTube channel—where I create and curate montages featuring vintage photos of men—I have occasionally been met with a strange accusation: that I’m a misogynist and/or a woman hater.

For the record, that accusation/assumption could not be further from the truth.

Truth be told, the majority of my closest relationships—past and present—are with women. Not because I was trying to date them. Not because I was playing some long game. But because I genuinely connected with and loved/love them.

As a gay guy, I like to joke that I love women so much I won’t fuck them.
Bi and straight guys? Betcha can’t say that. 😎🤪

From a very early age, I’ve gravitated toward the warmth, openness, and emotional intelligence that a lot of women—especially the ones I was lucky to know—brought into every room. It wasn’t performative. It wasn’t about “girl talk” or some fantasy of belonging to the other side. It was about feeling seen and understood.

With the exception of my dad and a handful of male family and friends, most men have always felt like citizens of a foreign country to me. I didn’t understand their customs or their language. In a lot of ways, I still don’t.

Prototypical masculinity—the version “straight” society holds up like some gleaming trophy—never fit. It confused and intimidated me. I knew that definition didn’t fit me and was incomplete as fuck.

But women? Women and “femininity” made sense. Even if I didn’t relate to some of it. (Weddings, for example, leave me scratching my bald head. Why so much drama for one day of your life? Color me puzzled.)

Me and my female dears and nears shared emotions without needing a translator. We could go deep…fast. We could laugh and not worry about finishing a subject. I could show up fully as myself and not worry about whether I was being “too sensitive,” “too soft,” or “too much.”

Just last night, I was reminded of how much I love the “fairer sex” over dinner.

I had the absolute pleasure of spending an evening with three generations of women—grandmother, mother, and daughter—each one more fabulous than the last.

The grandmother—a glorious earth mother whose light burns as bright as the sun—is a dear friend of my dear friend Drew. Her daughter—a self-proclaimed goth princess with a deep love for Disneyland—is the proud mother of a whip-smart young lady whose wit, depth, and charm rival those of people two or three times her age. At the very least. I loved them all…instantly.

Meeting them reminded me of my coming out.

Like so many other gay men I know, I came out first to the women in my life—friends, cousins, aunties, and chosen sisters. Almost all of them received the news with grace and style: loving, supportive, and entirely unfazed.

Only one chose to stop being friends with me over it. Oh well. Her loss. Ain’t nobody got time for that kind of conditional love. But even she couldn’t dim the overwhelming light of acceptance I felt from the other women in my life.

This isn’t to say that women are perfect or that men are incapable of depth or connection—far from it. But when you grow up feeling like the traditional blueprint of masculinity doesn’t quite fit your nature, you start looking elsewhere—for those who nurture your soul and “get you” without excuse or explanation.

And I found my “tribe”—time and time again—in the friendships I built with women.

My fascination with old photographs of men isn’t about fetishizing or idolizing some macho ideal. Or pining for a bygone era of rigid gender roles. Maybe it is for you, boo. But, for me, it’s quite the opposite.

Personally, creating these montages of men is my way of studying the surface to better understand what was happening beneath it. It’s a way to examine how masculinity has been packaged, performed, and passed down—and to consider what might have been hiding in plain sight all along, just waiting to be noticed…if only I took a closer look.

And while I may be focused on men in my work, my heart has always had room—and reverence—for the women in my life. I will continue to love, respect, and, when necessary, protect the lovely ladies who walk beside—not in front or behind—me.

I may be an only child, but I am a fierce brother-from-another-mother to many, including more than a few phenomenal women. Always was. Always will be.

I try to remember that we’re all better together—regardless of gender, identity, or anything else that might make us “different” on paper. We’re all in this together.

Keep calm and carry on!
Clint 🌈✌️

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ON THIS DAY = AUGUST 5

BIRTHDAYS

• 1850 = Guy de Maupassant = French writer

• 1906 = John Huston = American actor and filmmaker

• 1908 = Jose Garcia Villa = Filipino short story writer and poet

• 1911 = Robert Taylor = American actor and singer

• 1920 = George Tooker = American painter 🌈

GEORGE TOOKER BY GEORGE PLATT LYNES

• 1928 = Heward Grafftey = Canadian politician and businessman 🌈

• 1930 = Neil Armstrong = American pilot, engineer, and astronaut

• 1935 = Michael Ballhaus = German director and cinematographer

• 1936 = John Saxon = American actor

• 1940 = Bobby Braddock = American songwriter and producer

• 1941 = Bob Clark = American director, producer, and screenwriter

• 1943 = Sammi Smith = American singer-songwriter

• 1945 = Loni Anderson = American actor

• 1946 = Erika Slezak = American actor

• 1948 = Christopher Makos = American photographer 🌈

• 1956 = Maureen McCormick = American actor

• 1959 = Pete Burns = English singer-songwriter 🌈

• 1963 = Mark Strong = English actor

• 1964 = Adam Yauch = American rapper and director

• 1966 = James Gunn = American filmmaker

• 1966 = Jonathan Silverman = American actor and producer

• 1968 = Terri Clark = Canadian singer-songwriter

• 1980 = Jesse Williams = American actor, director, producer, and activist

• 1997 = Olivia Holt = American actor and singer

EVENTS

• 1620 = The Mayflower departs from Southampton, England, carrying would-be settlers, on its first attempt to reach North America.

• 1882 = Standard Oil Company of New Jersey, today known as ExxonMobil, is established officially.

• 1884 = The cornerstone for the Statue of Liberty is laid on Bedloe's Island (now Liberty Island) in New York Harbor.

• 1914 = In Cleveland, Ohio, the first electric traffic light is installed.

• 1926 = Harry Houdini performs his greatest feat, spending 91 minutes underwater in a sealed tank before escaping.

• 1957 = American Bandstand premieres on ABC.

• 1962 = Marilyn Monroe dies in Los Angeles at the age of 36.

• 1969 = Atlanta police raid a screening of Andy Warhol’s Lonesome Cowboys, leading to arrests, protests, and the formation of the Georgia Gay Liberation Front. It’s now often referred to as the “Stonewall of the South.”

• 1983 = Risky Business is released in theaters.

• 1994 = The Little Rascals is released in theaters.

HOLIDAYS + OBSERVANCES

• National Oyster Day

• National Underwear Day

• National Work Like A Dog Day

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PORTRAIT + QUOTE OF THE DAY

NEIL ARMSTRONG

“I guess we all like to be recognized not for one piece of fireworks, but for the ledger of our daily work.”
Neil Armstrong