It's My Party = I'll Cry If I Want/Need To
Newsletter + On This Day
After writing Celebrating Every Win (Especially On YouTube) yesterday, I proceeded to have a day-long, low-key meltdown. Cue the music…
Seems being able to breathe a sigh of relief after 90 days of battling YouTube (and its little bots too) left my natural anxious and depressive tendencies ready, willing, and oh so able to fill the fight-or-flight void. Far from ideal, but oh so very predictable too.
Like lots of folks, I’ve struggled with mental health issues since I was a wee lad. If I were a betting man, I’d wager most creatives and LGBTQ folks have/do too.
I’m not a psychologist or a researcher, but my own personal experience leads me to believe being both only increases one’s odds for having a long-term/it’s complicated relationship with one (or more) anxiety and/or personality disorder.
Long story short, the day that started in celebration didn’t stay that way for long.
I won’t bore you with the details—because they are indeed boring—but let’s just say I’ve learned that resistance is usually futile when Gloom and Doom show up to the party. Like irl uninvited guests, I think it’s a good idea to acknowledge and address these feelings before they do too much damage to my already-fragile house of cards.
So instead of making a new video yesterday, I took much of the day off.
When I had an idea or notion, I wrote it down and gave the idea some space and time before I decided whether or not to take action on it.
Mostly, I gave myself permission to take naps, catch up on some reading, and let YouTube’s recommendation algorithm help me find some peace of mind.
Yes, you read that right, on more than a few occasions, YouTube has suggested videos so perfectly timed I think Google knows me better than anyone/anything.
Here are three videos that helped me to reflect on my own “stuff”:
DOES ANYONE ELSE FEEL LIKE THEY'LL NEVER BE HAPPY
By D’Angelo WallaceOne of my favorite young creators, D’Angelo spills his heart out in this video. I highly recommend it for anyone who struggles with basic It Gets Better kind of advice. While it CAN get better, it doesn’t always. Not for everyone. I truly love this guy and wish him all the best as continues to share his art and his heart.
WHY YOUTUBE IS SLOP NOW
By Roman Abalin
While I had never heard of this Russian-born creator (now living in Portugal), his experience and pov about YouTube made me yell “Amen!” at my tv a few times. Like most Russians I’ve met, Roman is both practical, pragmatic, and just the right amount of a contrarian. I’ll be checking out more of his work for sure.
NO, YOU DON'T NEED TO PUT YOUR ART ON TIKTOK
By The Calm CreativeSeveral folks have reminded me recently that being a creator who doesn’t use social media (anymore) might be hindering my professional “growth.” Well, if the price of that growth is even less mental health and wellness, I’m fine by that. This slow, meditative video by a creator who feels passionately about the subject was just the reminder I needed: Do whatever works for YOU. First and foremost. Also: Louise Stigell is a talented artist and YouTuber.
In between disco naps, YouTube-and-chill-sessions, and the occasional work-related brain fart, I’m a little happier today and feel ready to pick up where I left off yesterday.
My brain still feels hungover, but I think the worst of the storm has passed and it’s a good day to recover…and be grateful for the lovely/loving folks who support me and my work. And maybe dance in my living room.
Thanks for reading!
Clint
P.S. This song is dedicated to all who struggle to “dance in a hurricane.” Eye feel you. Eye see you too, boo. Figuratively that is. 😍
“I AM A STURDY SOUL AND THERE AIN'T NO SHAME
IN LYING DOWN IN THE BED YOU MADE
CAN YOU FIGHT THE URGE TO RUN FOR ANOTHER DAY?
YOU MIGHT MAKE IT FURTHER, IF YOU LEARN TO STAY”THE EYE
BY TIM HANSEROTH + BRANDI CARLILE
FOUND PHOTOS OF THE DAY
ON THIS DAY = SEPTEMBER 15
BIRTHDAYS
AGATHA CHRISTIE (1890)
WriterANN BANNON (1932)
WriterOLIVER STONE (1946)
Writer + Director
“ONE OF THE JOYS OF GOING TO THE MOVIES WAS
THAT IT WAS TRASHY, AND WE SHOULD NEVER LOSE THAT.”
Oliver Stone
TOMMY LEE JONES (1946)
ActorTOM HARDY (1977)
ActorPRINCE HARRY (1984)
Royal
EVENTS
First non-aristocratic, free public school in Europe is opened in Frascati, Italy. (1616)
Scottish bacteriologist Alexander Fleming discovers penicillin while sorting through petri dishes containing colonies of the bacteria Staphylococcus. (1928)
Lone Ranger premieres on ABC. (1949)
Gay Power, New York’s first gay newspaper and the first publication to emerge from the post-Stonewall movement, publishes its premiere issue. (1969)
CHiPs premieres on NBC. (1977)
L.A. Law premieres on NBC. (1986)
ACT UP protests MoMA’s exhibit of graphic photos of people with AIDS by photographer Nicholas Nixon who was neither gay nor had AIDS. (1988)
Homosexuality is removed from the International Statistical Classification of Diseases by the World Health Organization. (1992)
The European Parliament calls for an end to “all discrimination against homosexuals… and/or inequality of treatment concerning homosexuals” in every country of the European Union. (1996)
In Australia, “X” became the gender option for intersex people on their passports while transgender people continue to choose between “male” and “female.” (2011)
NEW + FEATURED
EYE CANDY IS DANDY #1 (NSFW)
FOUND PHOTOS #4 (NSFW)
FOUND EPHEMERA #1 (NSFW)
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First of all, I want to thank you and D'Angelo for his video. I have tried to deal with these issues in helping people. I don't think I can explain in a comment like this. I would find it difficult to explain in a long lecture, too.
I see who we are as a process, a changing one, not a static entity. You have been built by what happened to you and how you dealt with it (effectively or not). The "one day my prince will come", "one day I will be happy, successful.. whatever" expectation won't happen unless you change who you are. Some people can deal with the loss of who they are now and change - rather like a caterpillar, chrysalis into a butterfly. Most people can't or not completely.
What they are now has kept them alive, dealt with their wounds. It is valuable; they can't let themselves change. It would feel too wrong, too risky and essentially they wouldn't be who they are anymore. It is more a question of "I am what I am and what I am needs no excuses". Seeing yourself as a process in change might make you happier with the new "improved" version of you. BUT you might lose the things that you value - your art, your friends, the way that you see things and certainly the self that has helped you to survive so far.
Take your rests. You don't need to struggle or fight 24/7.
I understand you perfectly. 2024 has been a heavy year, full of anxious days and sad days. When I feel like this, I watch YouTube videos about colors. Seeing people mixing paints to create new shades of colors makes me happy. Rainbows, everything that is colorful and vivid, heals me for a few days. Look for something that makes you happy. Take a deep breath, better days are always coming.