Humps + Lumps + Rumps

Serving Beefcake Butts With Cherry Cheesecakes 🍑🍒

SODOM TODAY GOMORRAH THE WORLD - T-SHIRT

Author’s Note: Last night, I went to bed super excited—and excitable—after spending the day connecting and reconnecting with some of my favorite people in the world. So…not a lot of sleep happened, and this post may not make much sense. By design, it’s mid-week fluff, intentionally sassy, sexy, and silly.

Just the way—uh huh, uh huh—I like it.

Not everyone likes being pretty in pink, but with my complexion, I was born this way, baby. I don’t just wear pink on Wednesdays (à la Mean Girls). I wear pink 24/7/365…and twice on Wednesdays. Just to be extra, extra…read all about it.

So if you prefer toned-down color palettes and traditional masculinity, you might not enjoy my over-the-top, rambling tribute to curves, cakes, and men who can fill out a Speedo and don’t mind being the butt of a joke…preferably in their birthday suit.

Let’s talk humps. Let’s talk lumps. Let’s talk about rumps. Aren’t they just lovely?

I’ll never understand why some are ashamed of the views in their rearview mirror.

Objects may be larger than they appear. Which is good in my book. Personally, I like big butts, and I cannot lie. I also like small, medium, and extra-large butts too. The truth is our best assets may be following us around. Just saying.

What do I love almost as much as beefcake butts? Cherry cheesecake of course. Which might explain why I found myself watching The Golden Girls reruns in the middle of the night, channeling my inner Blanche, Dorothy, Rose, and Sophia.

My brain was craving cheesecake, and my libido was eyeing some beefcake.
But since I’m watching my diet, I settled for a little zero-calorie eye candy instead.

Despite being sleepless in LA, I am super excited about the day ahead. Wearing pink as I reunite with at least one of my favorite people in the world.

Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin), Boo!
Clint 🌈✌️

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Thank you. Yes, YOU, boo!

FOR YOUR (SUBSTACK) CONSIDERATION

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• The Hardiness of Fig Trees (

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• I Gave Away My Dad's Guitar (

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• …Instantly Iconic Quotes From Patti LuPone's 'Actors on Actors' (

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ON THIS DAY = APRIL 23

BIRTHDAYS

• 1564 = William Shakespeare = English playwright, poet, and actor 🌈

• 1775 = J. M. W. Turner = English painter and printmaker

• 1791 = James Buchanan = American lawyer, politician, and 15th POTUS 🌈

• 1858 = Ethel Smyth = English composer and suffragist 🌈

• 1875 = Élisabeth de Gramont = French writer and aristocrat 🌈

• 1907 = Lee Miller = American model and photographer

• 1928 = Shirley Temple = American actor, singer, dancer, and diplomat

• 1932 = Halston = American fashion designer 🌈

• 1935 = Charles Silverstein = American psychologist and writer 🌈

• 1936 = Roy Orbison = American singer-songwriter

• 1939 = Lee Majors = American actor

• 1941 = Michael Lynne = American film producer and New Line Cinema co-founder

• 1943 = Hervé Villechaize = French actor

• 1955 = Chris Beckett = British science fiction writer 🌈

• 1955 = Judy Davis = Australian actor

• 1957 = Neville Brody = English graphic designer, typographer, and art director

• 1960 = Valerie Bertinelli = American actor

• 1961 = George Lopez = American comedian, actor, and talk show host

• 1977 = John Cena = American professional wrestler and actor

• 1977 = John Oliver = English comedian, actor, producer, and screenwriter

• 1979 = Jaime King = American actor and model

• 1990 = Dev Patel = English actor

EVENTS

• 1597 = William Shakespeare's The Merry Wives of Windsor is first performed.

• 1961 = Judy Garland appears in concert at Carnegie Hall. Judy at Carnegie Hall, the live recording, later wins the Grammy Award for Album of the Year,

• 1984 = US Health and Human Services Secretary Margaret Heckler announces that biomedical researcher Robert Gallo has discovered the virus that causes acquired immune deficiency syndrome (AIDS): a retrovirus is subsequently named HTLV-3, known today as human immunodeficiency virus (HIV).

• 1985 = Coca-Cola changes its formula and releases New Coke. The response is overwhelmingly negative, and the original formula is back on the market in less than three months.

• 2005 = The first YouTube video, titled "Me at the zoo", is published.

HOLIDAYS + OBSERVANCES

• National Administrative Professionals' Day

• National Cherry Cheesecake Day

• National Picnic Day

PORTRAIT + QUOTES OF THE DAY

“Better three hours too soon than a minute too late.”
William Shakespeare, The Merry Wives of Windsor

“Doubt thou the stars are fire;
Doubt that the sun doth move;
Doubt truth to be a liar;
But never doubt I love.”
William Shakespeare, Hamlet

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