Ease On Down The Road (Part 1)

Easing Back In The World + Getting Ready For What's Next

After three-plus days of being mostly horizontal, I am finally vertical again.

Physically, I survived my lurgy. (Big thanks to DougT for the vocabulary upgrade!)

Mentally, though, I’m a little out of sorts. Too much time alone tends to turn “feeling bad” into “feeling bad about myself.” I’m fairly sure I didn’t invent this overachiever pattern/problem.

The good news is that I’m back on my feet. And my sister-from-another-mister, the Divine Miss M, helped talk me down from a budding existential, identity, and midlife crisis late last night.

What has me tripping? A few things.

First, there’s the three-week getaway I leave for later this week. In three days, I will be making my way up I-5 to Seattle to see Miss M. And her not-so-little dog too.

Second, I was feeling behind before I got sick. Now, it’s exponentially worse. But Miss M helped calm me down enough so I woke up with a pretty solid plan for taking care of only what needs taking care of.

What am I behind on, exactly? Mostly my own expectations. And maybe a bill or two.

Attending Abby’s celebration of life a few weeks ago opened a bit of a Pandora’s box for me. I saw familiar faces and shared memories with people I honestly never thought I would cross paths with again.

Apparently, I still haven’t learned that it really is a small world after all.

Back when I knew most of these folks, we only related through our jobs, our roles, and our titles. These days, I am not even sure what to call myself professionally.

“What are you doing these days?” was often met with an awkward silence. I don’t feel like the “old me” anymore. And I want to protect the “new me” that’s still very much a work-in-progress from the prying eyes of some people who only saw me as a pixel pusher. Not as creative.

For anyone who thinks I have a clear idea of what I am doing or where I am going, you are sorely mistaken. At least professionally.

On my upcoming road trip, I know exactly where I am going. I even know some of the people I will see and a lot of the things I will do. But I’m leaving a lot of room for magic. Because experience has shown me it shows up when I least expect it.

The rest of my life feels a little more uncertain. But that’s not exactly news for anyone who’s been following me here on Substack. (Sorry, not sorry!) But I’m doing my best to ease on down whatever road appears in front of me.

A few other things have been rattling around in my head too. A snarky comment. Some fraudulent credit card chargebacks from shady subscribers.

NOTE: If you happen to be one of the fraudulent fucktards, please fuck all the way off. You are scum in my book and I want nothing further to do with you. Go away and scam someone else. As an independent content creator, I work too damn hard to waste my time and energy on you.

Everyone else, THANK YOU for the continued love and support!

As for the comment that’s pissing me off, some guy I don’t recall ever hearing from before sent what I think he meant as a fan letter. Unfortunately, he described me as his favorite “porn purveyor,” which is not a label I’m not willing to take on for anyone.

Just to be clear, I started making montages (both NSFW and SFW) because I think all kinds of men are beautiful. In and out of clothes. I have never made porn, at least not intentionally. I’m very pro-porn (and pro-sex worker) and over the years have helped many make their own porn.

But my eye prefers the artistic, erotic, and historic to the pornographic.

Also, I’m more of a show-don’t-tell kind of guy. I’ve never been into locker room talk. I’m a nerd at heart, not a jock. What I share on the internet reflects what I love and appreciate, not what I’m lusting after. To me, there’s a big difference.

Is this post a little rambling? Yes.

Why am I sharing it? Because I’m a little rambling. And trying to figure shit out.

Not everyone will love or appreciate this post. Oh. Well. I’ve spent way too much time trying to guess what my audience wants or the algorithms want.

My goal during this three-week getaway, which I will be working through, is to clear my mind, experiment, and play more.

Want to see some road trip vlogs? Want to see Alaska and parts of Canada from the deck of a world-class cruise ship? Maybe a walking tour of some ports? How about the point of view of a goofy-but-misunderstood pit bull?

Those are a few of the things I plan to play with. More to come.

This is part one of this topic. I clearly have more thoughts than answers right now.

But I am honored to have so many of you along for the ride.

Thank you for being a friend!
Clint 🌈✌️

P.S. For those who need some inspiration, I highly recommend you watch this extended interview with Dan Levy. What a masterclass in acting, producing, and storytelling. Bravo, Dan, bravo!

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FROM THE ARCHIVES

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BORN THIS WAY ON THIS DAY

• 04-06 = Gale Wilhelm (1908-1991) = American writer 🌈

• 04-06 = Leonora Carrington (1917-2011) = English-Mexican painter and author 🌈

• 04-06 = Monika Treut (1954- ) = German filmmaker 🌈

• 04-06 = Rick Cosnett (1983- ) = Zimbabwean-Australian actor and producer 🌈

• 04-06 = Rob Epstein (1955- ) = American filmmaker 🌈

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MAN CRUSH OF THE DAY

MERLE HAGGARD

“It’s easier to force feed people than it is to give ‘em what they want.”
Merle Haggard