I got so frustrated with a situation yesterday that I ended up crying and taking a nap.
I don’t know about you, but once upon a time I thought making plans with friends was fun. Now? Not so much.
In my mind, it shouldn’t be that hard. Someone initiates the planning. You agree on a date and something to do. You put it on your calendar. You confirm the day before. And then you show the fuck up.
Simple, right?
And yet, making plans has become an exercise in herding cats. At this point in my life, I’m starting to develop an allergy to both cats and herding.
While part of me gets it, another part resents the fuck out of it.
We live in the age of ADHD, in a world competing for our attention 24/7/365.
Notifications, texts, emails, social media, streaming services, news alerts, endless scrolling, and a million other distractions make it increasingly difficult to capture someone’s attention, much less hold onto it long enough to finish making a plan.
And then there’s the anxiety. We’re constantly presented with choices, possibilities, and potential consequences. “Should I?” “Shouldn’t I?” “Maybe.” “I’ll think about it.” “Let me see what else comes up.”
Before you know it, making a simple plan has become a complicated negotiation with yourself. And sometimes five other people who are all waiting to see what everyone else decides to do.
If you live in a big city like I do, there is always something else going on. Another party. Another concert. Another restaurant. Another exhibition. Another friend who suddenly becomes available. Another invitation or opportunity that might show up tomorrow.
With the possibility that something better might come along, some people hesitate to commit to what’s right in front of them. Why say yes to Saturday when you might get a better offer on Friday? Why make plans now when you can keep the weekend open and see what happens?
I’ve spent plenty of my life second-guessing decisions, wondering if I was making the right choice, imagining what might be waiting around the corner. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking, researching, planning, reconsidering, and occasionally driving myself completely fucking crazy trying to figure out what I should do.
But as I get older, I realize not making a choice is a choice too. And sometimes it’s the choice that costs us the most.
I recently lost one friend because they couldn’t or wouldn’t stick to plans they had already agreed to. And I’m sure I’ve lost many other acquaintances, colleagues, and friends along the way. Because I don’t have a lot of patience for people who waste my time. As I’ve said many times before, I can do that all by myself. Thank you very much.
Over the past few years, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what I want the next chapter of my life to look like. Eventually, all that thinking, wondering, researching, second-guessing, and imagining had to turn into actual choices.
I had to choose a direction. I had to decide what I wanted to do with my time, energy, creativity, money, love, and ultimately, my life. And none of those choices come with guarantees.
That’s the uncomfortable thing about making choices: choosing one thing means letting go of something else. Every yes is also a no. Every commitment closes off other possibilities. Every direction we take means leaving another direction behind.
And that can be scary.
What if we choose wrong? What if something better comes along? What if we change our minds? What if we regret it?
Well…we might. That’s just part of the deal.
I’m becoming more comfortable with the idea that I don’t need to know exactly where every choice will lead before I make it. Sometimes you just have to choose a direction and start walking.
For me, it’s less about perfection and more about commitment.
You either decide to do something or you don’t. You either make the reservation or you don’t. You either buy the ticket or you don’t. You either take the class, apply for the job, make the trip, call the friend, go to the party, start the project…or you don’t.
“Trying” can sometimes become a very comfortable place to hide.
“I’m thinking about it.”
“I’m considering it.”
“I might.”
“I’ll try.”
“Maybe.”
“Let’s see what happens.”
Meanwhile, time and the world keep on moving.
So I’m doing less trying these days. And I’m doing less with people who only try.
And I’m encouraging the people around me to do the same.
If you want to get together, book it.
If you want to go somewhere, buy the ticket.
If you want to see someone, make the plan.
If you want to try something new, take the chance.
My new philosophy is pretty simple: Book it or lose it. First come, first served.
Because, wherever you live, there will always be another option. Another party. Another restaurant. Another weekend. Another opportunity. Another person. Another reason to wait.
At some point, we have to stop asking, “What if something better comes along?” and start asking, “What do I want to choose right now?”
That doesn’t mean every choice will be the right one. Some won’t be. I have made plenty of questionable choices in my 54 revolutions around the sun, and I’m sure I’ll make plenty more.
Personally, I’d rather make a choice and learn from it than remain permanently stuck in the waiting room of possibility.
We are the sum of our choices:
The people we chose to love.
The places we chose to go.
The risks we chose to take.
The opportunities we chose to pursue.
The dreams we chose to chase.
The boundaries we chose to set.
The chances we chose to take.
The doors we chose to walk through.
And the doors we chose to close behind us.
Even the mistakes become part of the story. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life waiting for the perfect circumstances, the perfect person, the perfect opportunity, the perfect plan, or the perfect invitation.
I want to participate in my own imperfect life. I want to make my own choices. I want to take chances. I want to say “yes” more often. And when I say “no,” I want it to be intentional.
We are the sum of the choices we actually made.
Not of all the choice we could have made.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have plans to make. With people who actually show up.
Thank you for being a friend!
Clint 🌈✌️
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FROM THE ARCHIVES
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BORN THIS WAY + ON THIS DAY
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1926 = Japan’s public broadcasting company, Nippon Hōsō Kyōkai (NHK) is established.
MAN CRUSH OF THE DAY
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