First things first, forgive the tardiness of this post.
I usually publish first thing in the morning. Today, however, I was too busy having an actual life. So instead of writing this over breakfast, you're getting it just before I sit down to dinner.
This three-day holiday weekend, I got busy living my life.
Out loud. Out proud. And, most significantly, out of the house.
Back when I was too scared to leave my house, I never imagined I’d have a weekend filled with friends, new and old, making memories to last a lifetime.
These days, my social calendar has gone from a barren wasteland to something that actually requires coordination and planning. Lunches. Happy hours. Holiday parties. Coffee dates. Somewhere along the way, I’m becoming a social butterfly again.
Who is this person? Who am I becoming? Only time will tell…
And in time, I will find my balance and my footing again. After years of anxiety, depression, grief, and agoraphobia, it’s easy for me to overcorrect. When you’ve spent as much time alone as I have, every invitation feels like something you don’t want to pass up.
So yes, I may be overbooking myself just a little.
And, for now, I’m okay with that.
I’m reconnecting with people I haven’t seen in years, strengthening friendships that somehow survived my years-long disappearing act, and making new memories with folks who probably have no idea how much these moments mean to me.
I’m rediscovering something I forgot: community doesn’t just happen. It takes showing up. It takes saying yes. It takes leaving the house, even when the couch is making a compelling argument.
This weekend reminded me how quickly life can change.
A couple of years ago, weekends like this felt like relics from another lifetime. While everyone else was making plans, I was mostly trying to convince myself to go outside long enough to check the mail.
Holidays had become something I watched other people enjoy. Mostly online. Now I’m the one making plans. Funny how that works.
We spend so much time believing our current circumstances are permanent. We assume that loneliness will last forever. That sadness is who we are. That we’ll always be the person who’s too scared, too tired, or too broken to participate.
Then one small change leads to another.
One coffee date turns into a friendship.
One invitation leads to another.
One weekend becomes a social calendar that’s suddenly a little too full.
Frankly, it’s a wonderful problem to have.
I’m still learning the balance between saying yes to people and saying yes to myself.
My introverted batteries still need regular charging. But I’ll happily take the occasional scheduling conflict over wondering whether I’ll ever have a social life again.
So thank you for your patience while I was busy making new memories instead of writing about old ones.
And thank you for cheering me on over the past few years. So many of you celebrated the little victories, back when simply leaving the house felt like climbing a mountain.
Turns out those little victories have a way of adding up.
Better late than never, right?
Thank you for being a friend!
Clint 🌈✌️
COLLIDE PRESS is a reader-supported publication.
Please consider becoming a Paid Subscriber or Patron.
FROM THE ARCHIVES
BORN THIS WAY ON THIS DAY
07-05 = “Captain Moonlite” (1842-1880) = Irish-born New Zealand bushranger and Australian folk figure 🌈
07-05 = Cecil Rhodes (1853-1902) = British imperialist and magnate 🌈
07-05 = Hein Vos (1903-1972) = Dutch politician and economist 🌈
07-05 = Jean Cocteau (1889-1963) = French poet, artist, and director 🌈
07-05 = Megan Rapinoe (1985- ) = American athlete and activist 🌈
07-05 = Wayne Besen (1970- ) = American journalist and advocate 🌈
MAN CRUSH OF THE DAY
“What the public criticizes in you, cultivate. It is you.”
Jean Cocteau
🌈🌹
This all pleases me very much. I am so happy for you.