For the last year and change, I’ve been working hard, personally and professionally, to rebuild my life after several years of anxiety, agoraphobia, depression, and grief.
Most mornings, I wake up early, stumble to my computer, and get right to writing.
Writing helps me right myself.
Today, though, I woke up late and on the proverbial wrong side of the bed. Before my feet even hit the floor, I could feel it. That heavy emotional gravity that sometimes appears out of nowhere and threatens to pull everything into its orbit.
An emotional black hole.
I think I know what’s causing it, but for once I’d rather not overshare. A shocking development, I know. Sometimes things need to sit quietly for a while before they become public stories.
As a self-employed creative, motivation isn’t a luxury. It’s part of the job. Nobody assigns my work or tells me what to create. Every day begins with the same question:
“WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE TODAY?”
Some days the answer arrives before breakfast. Other days it hides out under the bed.
Over the years, I’ve learned that creativity isn’t an endless resource. It’s more like a well. If you draw from it constantly without replenishing it, eventually the water level drops. Keep drawing long enough, and sooner or later you’ll hit rock bottom.
The grind culture crowd would probably suggest working harder, waking up earlier, or finding a way to squeeze more productivity out of the day.
Maybe that works for some people. For me, the opposite is usually true.
Creative work requires fuel. Rest. Curiosity. Conversations. Books. Museum visits. Long walks. Music. Boredom. The occasional afternoon spent staring at the ceiling.
Those things aren’t distractions from the work. They are part of the work. They’re how the well gets refilled.
When I’m at my best, I remember this. I give myself room to wander, explore, and be inspired by something unexpected.
When I’m not at my best, I start measuring my worth by my output.
How many words did I write?
How many videos did I publish?
How many subscribers signed up?
How many likes did I get?
How productive was I today?
It’s an easy trap to fall into, especially online, where everyone seems to be launching, building, scaling, growing, monetizing, and optimizing every minute of every day.
The truth is that some days simply aren’t peak performance days.
Some days I’m tired.
Some days I’m distracted.
Some days my heart is carrying something heavier than my schedule allows for.
And some days I’m just a day late and a dollar short.
And that’s okay. The work will still be there tomorrow. The inbox will survive. The algorithm will continue algorithm-ing.
What won’t survive is a creative practice that’s constantly asked to produce without being given time to replenish itself.
So today I’m giving myself permission to be a little slower than usual.
To write the words that come instead of forcing the words that don’t.
To trust that showing up imperfectly still counts as showing up.
Grinding harder isn’t always the answer.
Sometimes the answer is stepping away from the grind long enough to refill the well.
Keep calm and recharge on!
Clint 🌈✌️
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FROM THE ARCHIVES
BORN THIS WAY ON THIS DAY
06-24 = Beanie Feldstein (1993- ) = American actor 🌈
06-24 = Christabel Marshall (1871-1960) = English educator and poet 🌈
06-24 = Herbert Kitchener (1850-1916) = British Army officer 🌈
06-24 = Pierre Commoy (1950- ) = French artist (Pierre et Gilles) 🌈
06-24 = Stacy Sykora (1977- ) = American volleyball player 🌈
MAN CRUSH OF THE DAY
“All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.”
Ambrose Bierce
I don't like the American attitude about work, striving etc. I am accustomed to a 35 to 40 hour week, with coffee breaks and lunchbreaks. I don't need pep talks from anyone, let alone myself. You are doing just fine, dear. Big hug.
🌈🤠