A Brief History Of Insomnia + LGBTQ + Me
Newsletter + On This Day
According to my parents, I was born with insomnia. They’re not around to fact-check, so I don’t know if the story is true. But like most things I was taught as a kid, I believed and lived that story for years.
Fact, fiction, or somewhere in between, the spoken-word narrative about my life-long sleep disorder is as much a part of my history as my birth certificate. It’s part of what makes me “me.” But it’s far from the whole story of who I was, am, or will be.
History is like that: Whatever we think we know is only part of the story. No textbook (or library of textbooks) can possibly tell the full story of human history. All we can do is try to discern fact from fiction and pass what we know on to the next generation.
Yesterday, I did a deep dive into stories of LGBTQ heroes and pioneers. Some I knew; many didn’t. We LGBTQ folks have fought for visibility and freedom for so long. And too many continue trying to erase us from human history. So I do what I can to ensure they don’t succeed by celebrating LGBTQ history loudly and proudly.
While I’ll never know enough—there’s not enough time and so much has already been forgotten or lost—I’m always on the lookout for new faces and names of LGBTQ folks who helped pave the way and shine a light through some truly bumpy and dark times.
NOTE: My focus on men, both in my research and my work, is not intended to diminish the contributions of women and gender-nonconforming folks throughout history. My Substack is a safe space for all. Hate and ignorance are not allowed or tolerated. Education and love though are always encouraged and welcomed.
After a day of research, I had a feeling sleep wouldn’t come easily last night.
And I was right. How could it, with so many stories swirling around my head?
When I realize how much of our collective history has been erased, hidden, or lost, it’s hard not for me to feel a bit overwhelmed.
There’s so much we can learn from those who came before us, and the more I learn, the more I realize how little I know.
My quest for knowledge and understanding may not help my insomnia. But if I’m going to lose sleep, I might as well use the time to learn some more (new-to-me) stories that matter, right? At least until the melatonin kicks in.
Thanks for reading!
Clint
FOUND PHOTOS OF THE DAY
A melatonin-fueled dream last night included one of my family’s MANY vehicles over the years: A customized “cruising” van, circa 1981. While I don’t remember the dream, I do remember the van fondly. Mostly. While it wasn’t as retro-cool as these examples, it got the job done…and made road trips more comfortable.
Dad had tried to buy a Pinto “Cruising” Wagon a few years earlier, but Mom vetoed it in favor of a five-door station wagon. Good times…and memorable road trips!
ON THIS DAY = SEPTEMBER 22
BIRTHDAYS
1885 = Erich von Stroheim = Austrian-American actor, director, and screenwriter
1902 = John Houseman = Romanian-American actor and producer
1909 = John Engstead = American photographer and journalist
1918 = Hans Scholl = German activist
1921 = Will Elder = American illustrator
1932 = Ingemar Johansson = Swedish boxer
1943 = Toni Basil = American singer-songwriter, dancer, and actor
1957 = Nick Cave = Australian singer-songwriter, author, and actor
1958 = Andrea Bocelli = Italian singer-songwriter and producer
1958 = Joan Jett = American singer-songwriter, guitarist, producer, and actor
1961 = Bonnie Hunt = American actor, producer, and talk show host
1961 = Catherine Oxenberg = American actor
EVENTS
1692 = The last hanging of those convicted of witchcraft in the Salem witch trials; others are all eventually released.
1862 = A preliminary version of the Emancipation Proclamation is released by Abraham Lincoln.
1869 = Richard Wagner's opera Das Rheingold (the first piece of his Ring cycle) premieres in Munich, Germany.
1910 = The Duke of York's Picture House opens in Brighton, now Britain’s oldest continually operating cinema.
1928 = The Chicago Defender, a preeminent African American newspaper, runs an ad for a new record by Ma Rainey (1886-1939) called Prove It on Me Blues. The lyrics are unmistakably sapphic.
1975 = Oliver Sipple, a gay Vietnam veteran, prevents an assassination attempt against POTUS Gerald Ford, in San Francisco.
1982 = Family Ties premieres on NBC.
1987 = Full House premieres on ABC.
1989 = Baywatch premieres on NBC.
1991 = The Dead Sea Scrolls are made available to the public for the first time.
1994 = Friends premieres on NBC.
1995 = Empire Records and Showgirls are released in theaters.
2004 = Lost premieres on ABC.
2009 = The Good Wife premieres on CBS.
2019 = Billy Porter becomes the first openly gay Black man to win the Emmy for best lead actor in a drama series (Pose). He came out as HIV+ on May 19, 2021.
NEW + FEATURED
"GAY INTEREST" PHOTOS #2 (NSFW)
"GAY INTEREST" PHOTOS #1 (NSFW)
SEEING QUEERLY #8 (NSFW)
In order (at 75) to work even halfway awake at a 40-hour/week job, which I do, I take an herbal medication (Deep Sleep), Trazodone, Duloxetine and Melatonin coupled with L-Theanine. Along with gabapentin as needed. So, to take bridge terminology, I'll see your melatonin and raise you a bunch of other things! Honestly, I feel your situation keenly. In the past I'd get onto a topic or a book (I read a lot of science and fantasy fiction) and read it however long it took until I'd finished...at five in the morning! Now, I can't do that. But even going to bed at a ridiculously early hour and staying at it (sleeping is hard work!) until I've had the recommended hours, I sometimes fall right asleep at my desk. It's a state job, and they seem to be okay with my output, but it's still worrying. I also wake up after a particularly worrying dream and can't fall back to sleep no matter what. On top of which, if I could retire, I would. I'm actively investigating what I can, but it's like pulling teeth. The point of all this? Sometimes there's no good answer to the situations we find ourselves in but to grit our teeth and carry on. My good wishes go to you, and sympathy. Go easy, amigo.